ishyface: (everyone's so intimately rearranged)
Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite television programme
Day 04 → Your favorite book
Day 05 → Your favorite quote

Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

What tickles my fancy today: sexism in advertising.

Yesterday I managed to confound a Pretentious Indie Record Store Clerk by purchasing albums by Hole, PJ Harvey, Radiohead, and Fall Out Boy all at once.

Clerk, looking askance: Uh, wow. This is a very... eclectic selection.
Ish: I'm a very eclectic person.

I was kind of hoping it would turn into a High Fidelity sort of moment and he'd be all "I CANNOT SELL YOU FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE NOW GET OUT OF MY STORE," but alas, it did not.
ishyface: (Default)
Derailing For Dummies! Just follow this step-by-step guide to Conversing with Marginalised People™ and in no time at all you will have a fool-proof method of derailing every challenging conversation you may get into, thus reaping the full benefits of every privilege that you have. YAY.

Ceci n'est pas une excuse. A useful analogy that compares systems of privilege to rigged exams.

I particularly like the distinction he makes between calling people out on what they did and calling them out on what they are. Note to self: keep this in mind for future confrontations.
ishyface: (fuck you)
From [ profile] apiphile:

Women should say yes, yes, yes more.

Arndt said while giving women the right to say "no" to sex was an undisputed success of the women's movement, "the female libido tends to be a fragile, easily distracted thing that gets buffeted by normal life and a couple can't afford to have their intimacy reliant on that fragility".


Arndt said low-libido partners, which are mostly women, needed to put sex on the "to-do list", even if they didn't feel like doing it.

"The notion that women have to want sex to enjoy it has been a really misguided idea that has caused havoc in relationships over the last 40 years."

With the right approach from a loving partner, if women were willing to be receptive "and allow themselves to relax … they would enjoy it", she said.

Forget about mutual respect and consent, the key to a happy sexual relationship is one person lying back and thinking of England while the other jackhammers away whispering "just relax, baby, you'll love it, I promise." Kinda hoped we'd got past that idea!

Look. If you're with someone and they don't want to have sex with you? YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. Because their body is theirs, and they do not have to let anyone touch them ever, and having sex you don't want to have, even if you do "relax" (which I assume is code for "stop fighting and give in, you frigid bitch"), will fuck you up but good. Your partner does not belong to you! Consent is important! So if they say no, you fucking stop. I don't give a shit how damaged your poor delicate ego is, YOU FUCKING STOP.

And if you don't... well. There's a word for that and it's spelled r-a-p-e.
ishyface: (fuck you)
It is not okay to disregard a girl's thoughts, opinions, or art just because...

... she slept with someone.
... she slept with a lot of someones.
... she slept with someone you want to sleep with and IT'S NOT FAIR.
... she wears "slutty" clothes (what does that word even mean)?
... she likes boys.
... she likes girls.
... she likes boys and girls.
... she looks "girlish."
... she looks "boyish."
... she doesn't look the way you want her to look.
... she doesn't say what you want her to say.
... she's cis.
... she's trans.
... she's not the same race as you.
... she has tattoos.
... she has a handbag and a tiny dog.
... she's thin.
... she's fat.
... she knows someone famous.
... she might have fucked someone famous.
... she has a blog in which she occasionally mentions someone famous.
... she has or has had an eating disorder.
... she's an immigrant.
... she works in an industry you personally consider degrading (the fashion industry, the porn industry, the sex industry, whatever).
... she's a virgin.
... she's not a virgin.
... she's religious.
... she's not religious.
... she had an abortion.
... she has kids.
... she's young.
... she's old.
... she did something at some point in her life that you wouldn't have done, or would have done differently, or would have been smarter about, et cetera ad infinitum.

Can we as a species move the fuck on from this bullshit notion that men are people and women are types? That only the "right" kind of girl (and what's "right" for a girl changes all the time anyway) deserves our time and attention and respect, and all other kinds are disposable? That a girl is only as good as her stereotype, or her reputation, or the length of her skirt, or the colour of her skin, or what her job is, or what she looks like, or how much boys like her, or how closed she keeps her mouth, or how closed she keeps her legs?

Can we fucking evolve, please?
ishyface: (fuck you)
My favourite uncle just tried to talk to me about how the women's movement contributed to the downfall of the white race. Because ladies are too busy "burning their bras" to pump out MOAR WHITE BABIES, and now? NOW there are BROWN PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

I had to force myself to stay calm and say, as pleasantly as possible, "Well, I don't think the 'disappearance' of the white race is such a tragedy- there are too many people on the planet anyway." And then I locked myself in my room and started listening to the Manic Street Preachers so I wouldn't start screaming.

ishyface: (hmmm...)
Ten and I went for dinner at Extreme Pita tonight, and one of the employee's daughters (about two or three years old) was hanging out behind the counter.

We'd been there for about ten minutes when she came trotting out with a large jar of ground black pepper, which she put in the cooler.* She then placed a jar of steak spice and two garlic powder shakers next to it, saying she wanted them to keep it company.

Kids are great.

On an entirely unrelated note, for [ profile] kirieflowergirl and [ profile] mresundance: Emo: Where the Girls Aren't.

* She told her protesting mother that she put it there to keep it warm. Three-year-old logic is awesome.

On Lolita.

Jul. 7th, 2007 11:11 pm
ishyface: (Default)
"I felt really sorry for Humbert. Lolita seduced him!"

Before I ever read Lolita I used to hear people say this a lot. Since I hadn't read the book, it kind of went in one ear and out the other. I knew what the book was about, of course- I don't think there're many people who don't know what Lolita is about- but I thought that maybe I'd gotten it wrong. Maybe there was some sort of dynamic I didn't understand. Or maybe Dolores was secretly a forty-year-old Russian prison guard posing as a little girl and the book was really a jab by Nabokov at international communism.

Or maybe I was just more immune to bullshit back then.

Having read the book this year- yeah, it took me this long- and wow, those people sure were full of it, eh?

Humbert Humbert- quite aside from being an unreliable narrator- is not a nice guy. Not even a little. It's weird that I feel like I need to say that about a guy who marries one woman because she looks and acts like a prepubescent girl, marries another woman to gain access to her prepubescent daughter (all the while ripping this woman to pieces in his own mind out of some misplaced superiority complex), kidnaps and rapes said daughter, and drags her around the country after telling her that her mother is in the hospital, but apparently this all adds up to "poor innocent adult man seduced by dastardly twelve-year-old."

Buying sleeping pills so you can drug your stepdaughter and rape her for six hours does not qualify as "seduced." Neither does justifying your attraction to underage girls by telling yourself they're not really children at all, but demonic temptresses in the form of twelve-year-olds.

The weird thing is, even Humbert doesn't try to argue that Lo seduced him. In fact, he usually sets himself up as the active party, and even (sort of) acknowledges that he's hurting her- although, being Humbert, he goes about it in a particularly florid, patronizing way:

"There was the day, during our first trip- our first circle of paradise- when in order to enjoy my phantasms in peace I firmly decided to ignore what I could not help perceiving, the fact that I was to her not a boy friend, not a glamour man, not a pal, not even a person at all, but just two eyes and a foot of engorged brawn- to mention only mentionable matters. There was the day when having withdrawn the functional promise I had made her on the eve (whatever she had set her funny little heart on- a roller rink with some special plastic floor or a movie matinee to which she wanted to go alone), I happened to glimpse from the bathroom, through a chance combination of mirror aslant and door ajar, a look on her face... that look I cannot exactly describe... an expression of helplessness so perfect that it seemed to grade into one of rather comfortable inanity just because this was the very limit of injustice and frustration- and every limit presupposes something beyond it- hence the neutral illumination." (283)

He mentions it again a few pages later:

"But the awful point of the whole argument was this. It had become gradually clear to my conventional Lolita during our singular and bestial cohabitation that even the most miserable of family lives was better than the parody of incest, which, in the long run, was the best I could offer the waif." (287)

Yeah, Lo had a crush on Humbert. Yeah, she'd experimented with other kids her own age. Yeah, she seems to be in control the first time they had sex- that is, after Humbert fed her what he thought were sleeping pills and tried to rape her in her sleep. She even uses her influence over him to get things she wants, because she is helpless and wants to gain some sort of control over her life, and to do that she needs to use the means at hand.

This does not mean she seduced him. You know, due to that whole "asswipe child molester" thing.
ishyface: (feeling wintry)
Okay, putting Ann Coulter, Phyllis Schlafly, and Marabel Morgan* on the "10 Women Who Make Us Cringe" list makes perfect sense (and the last-minute addition of Bratz dolls is beautiful).

But why add Britney Spears?

So she married an asshole and nearly dropped her baby- is that really such a big deal? A lot of women marry assholes, and yeah, it is cringe-inducing, but shouldn't we really be cringing over the asshole husbands, not the women? As for the baby thing- maybe I'm being blase, but what the hell is the big deal? I can't count the number of times my father let us roll off the bed and onto the floor when we were in diapers. (Of course, that possibly says more about his parenting skills than anything.) And my mum used to buckle us two to a seat when we went on long car trips- if the cops came near she'd just yell "DUCK!" and down we'd go. That doesn't make her an irresponsible mother, and frankly, I think Mini K-Fed was in way more danger from the paparazzi chasing his mum than he was from sitting on her lap.

As for all the hullaballoo about her (gasp!) shaving her head and (horror!) getting tattoos... jeezy creezy, people, it's HAIR AND INK. I don't see people going crazy over Justin's velcrohead or tattoos- why is there such a damn double standard? So she's not dancing around in a schoolgirl outfit anymore- so the fuck what? Why does she have to be "pretty" all the time?

(Obligatory disclosure over Stubblegate: I think Britney looks way better with the shaved head. Of course, I am predisposed to drool over bald women- see also V For Vendetta.)

I used to hate Britney Spears a whole lot. I'm still not a big fan. But she doesn't deserve to be villainized just because she's a non-virgin with no hair and no husband.

* Back when my mum was in child care, she mentioned her marital problems to one of her female clients. Said client gave her a copy of The Total Woman. As a serious attempt to help her out.

She still has it in the linen closet. Sometimes we read it out loud when we're drunk.

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