you say i choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me

[ishyface]

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

- Saw Against Me! in concert.
- Worked in a public library (unpaid, but still).
- Volunteered at a different library (the Halifax Tool Library, which is pretty awesome so far).
- Worked in a sex shop! That sells things for sex! (Also a buttload of porn.)
- Walked in a protest rally.
- Ate pot brownies. (Verdict: Nope nope nope nope.)
- Started caring a weird amount about superheroes.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

From last year: Continue to not fail grad school (SUCCESS); try that writing thing again, once more with feeling (uh… I wrote fanfiction?); get a solid placement for my practicum (heck YES I did and it was GREAT and I was GREAT); get a job in my chosen field, or at least not fast food, for God's sake anything but that (SUCCESS and then EVEN MORE SUCCESS because I am going to be taking over another coworker’s job while she is on maternity leave); listen to more music, because music is rad (kind of!); get a decent laptop (well, it’s an Asus, but YES); fix the weird skin issues I've been having once and for all (seem to have resolved themselves!); revamp my wardrobe so I stop oscillating between Boring Grownup and Emo Tween (I have an extensive list of aesthetic rules now!); get at least two new tattoos (boo, no new tats at all).

Pretty solid, all in all!

For 2015: writing writing writing, duh; at least three new tattoos; graduate and never ever go to school again; kick ass at my new grownup job because it’s, like, an Actual Career type thing; be less of a general slob; start eating healthier (more fresh veggies, leafy greens, etc) and walking more and just generally being more aware of what I put in/do to my body. (I say, having eaten nothing but poutine and candy canes all day.)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I think one of my cousins did? But, uh, I guess just the fact that I started that sentence with “I think” means that we aren't actually close.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

If they did nobody told me.

5. What countries did you visit?

Still too broke to go to other countries, boo. I did visit Ontario, though!

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

Well, I’ll have a better job (with higher pay), and I’ll have a Master’s degree, so those are locked down. I’ll also be volunteering, which I've wanted to get back into for a while now. I would like to get more library experience, preferably in public libraries. I would like to spend more time with my sisters, and maybe get to England to visit my grandmother at some point. I’d like to write more—not necessarily with any end in mind, but just to write, because I used to be good at it and now I’m pretty rusty. I’d like to be alone constructively more often, and I’d like to make a few more friends in the city. (Specifically I would like to make queer friends, because I have very few now and it is still very strange to realize that I spend time almost exclusively with heterosexuals.) I would also like to travel more. And make more spontaneous, fun decisions. Colour my life in a little more, avoid blank stretches where I just work and sleep.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

- April 14th (began my practicum at the Captain William Spry Public Library, which I LOVED).
- April in general (I can’t remember the actual date, but at some point I saw Cap2 and lost my fucking mind over how sad Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are).
- May 7th (bff Perin came to visit for A BAZILLION WEEKS).
- May 21st (put on my very first program as a someday librarian, a preteen zombie program that I felt went horribly but was told actually went really well).
- August 19th (rally).
- August 22nd (dear friend got MARRIED MARRIED MAAAAAAARRIED).
- September 15th (fourth year anniversary).
- October 23rd (AGAINST MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)
- November 2nd (turned 26).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I continued to be surprisingly good at grad school (this past semester I was sure that I failed at least one thing but got straight As), and totally rocked my practicum. I also managed to plot out a trip from Halifax to St. Catherines all by myself and didn't even get lost or murdered or nothin’.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Other than falling back into fandom's horrible clutches again? Hm… I think I let a lot of personal stuff go that I shouldn't have. Friends, hobbies, things like that. I understand that this is a grad school-specific failure, though.

Looking back on it, my biggest failure for 2014 is that I didn't do much of anything interesting. Just made it through to another one.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

There was a solid two weeks in November when I was so sick I was pretty sure I was going to die. Like, dizzy, disoriented, moving-makes-me-nauseous, Mother-I-see-a-bright-light sick. Mostly private____ryan was the sick one, though!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to go to wavesandmoon's wedding!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

I continued to be pretty good at stuff, so me! I made a lot of very sensible, solid decisions this year. (On balance, maybe too many?)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Cops.

14. Where did most of your money go?

The usual. Bills, rent, groceries. Maybe that should be another resolution for the New Year: buy something expensive and completely impractical.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Sushi, Parks and Recreation, my practicum, fictional characters having feelings.

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?

“Problem” by Natalia Kills, “The Good That Won’t Come Out” by Rilo Kiley, “Forrest Gump” by Frank Ocean (actually everything by Frank Ocean), “No Shows” by Gerard Way, “Y.A.L.A.” and “Come Walk With Me” by M.I.A., absofuckinglutely everything off Transgender Dysphoria Blues but ESPECIALLY “Black Me Out,” “Tibetan Pop Stars” by Hop Along, “The Book of Love” by the Magnetic Fields, pretty much all of The Choirgirl Hotel by Tori Amos but particularly “Cruel,” “Raspberry Swirl,” and “She’s Your Cocaine,” “Lolita” by Lana Del Ray, “Everything You Wanted” and “Tenderoni” by Kele, "Dominoes" by Big Pink, “Careful You” by TV On The Radio, “Common People” by Pulp, “Pepper” by Butthole Surfers, “Seven Devils” by Florence + the Machine, “Sunshine” by Atmosphere, “It” by Rich Aucoin, “Bastards of Young” by the Replacements, “The War Was In Colour” by Carbon Leaf, “Pretty In Pink” by the Psychedelic Furs, “Everything Is Borrowed” by the Streets, “Girls! Girls! Girls!” and “Fight Like A Girl” by Emilie Autumn, “Wut Wut” by Le1f.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?

Probably a little sadder, but not by much. Mostly just… beige.

b) thinner or fatter?

Fatter, I think? Not sure, though, we don’t own a scale.

c) richer or poorer?

Richer, because I had two jobs. (NOT ANYMORE THOUGH BECAUSE I GOT FIRED FROM THE SECOND ONE YESTERDAY.)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I’d had more fun. It was a pretty brutal slog of a year, and a few more nights out, a little more time laughing, would have done me good.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying about school. I spent a lot of time fretting about grades, even though I know from experience that I don’t need to. That sounds arrogant, I suppose, but it’s true: I don’t need to try terribly hard to do well in school, so spending a lot of time wringing my hands over whatever I’m working on is kind of pointless.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it at the Bro’s Nest with my ladyfriend and her mother for the second time in a row. We watched television and ate too much.

21. Did you fall in love in 2014?

I was already in love!

22. How many one-night stands?

I should really just delete this question because it totally out of sync with what my life is currently like.

23. What were your favourite TV programs?

Brooklyn 99, Broad City, and Parks and Recreation. Especially Parks and Recreation, which at this point I have watched about four times.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

The Halifax Seaport Farmers' Market. They know why.

25. What was the best book you read?

Kabu-Kabu by Nnedi Okorafor, Belle: The Slave Daughter and the Lord Chief Justice by Paula Byrne, Cold Steel by Kate Elliott, This Book Is Full of Spiders by David Wong, all the Young Avengers books I read and all Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye comics, all the Naomi Novik books I read which was I think everything up to Tongues of Serpents?, The Embassy of Cambodia by Zadie Smith, Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan, The Bromeliad by Terry Pratchett, Yes Please by Amy Poehler (although in actual fact my relationship with that book was a little more complicated in that it was 70% “yay!” and 30% “I want to throw this down the stairs”), The Killing Moon by N.K. Jemisin, and The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters. And NOT The Night Circus because that shit was disappointing.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Emilie Autumn, TV On The Radio, Frank Ocean. I also got really into Against Me!, although I was already a fan so maybe that doesn't count.

27. What did you want and get?

Passing grades, a decent job, a fantastic practicum!

28. What did you want and not get?

Nothing big comes to mind. Nothing concrete. Just… more feelings.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

I am not gonna spend more time talking about how much I loved Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but um I loved that movie A LOT. (I also ended up watching a crapton of awful bullshit with Sebastian Stan in it afterwards.) Guardians of the Galaxy was fun, although the further away I get from that the less I like it. I… don’t think I actually saw anything else I enjoyed and managed to stay awake through, how about that.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 26! I spent the morning and afternoon hanging out and eating sushi with my ladylove and bff. I spent the evening having the rest of the day ruined by my parents, who are continually inappropriate and talked about how much their lives suck. My parents will not be invited to whatever I do for my birthday next year, because they are consistent downers.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More actual fun and personal achievement. This is such a beige answer. “What would have made my year better? Better stuff.”

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

I actually wrote out an extensive list of aesthetic rules because I am a super fun human being! Lots of solid colours, cardigans, and single-pendant necklaces. Plus a bangin’ new haircut with shaved sides.

33. What kept you sane?

Knowing that this time next year I’ll have a degree and a proper job, thinking about the tattoos I want to get, watching ridiculously shitty films with Amy and William.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Yesenia Linares, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Kat Dennings, Erika Linder, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna. We’re not even gonna talk about Sebastian Stan and the horrible things I have watched because of him. (THE APPARITION FOUR TIMES.)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Police brutality.

36. Who did you miss?

My sisters, even though I saw them a lot more than I used to.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Nobody really comes to mind, although the various library folks I met are pretty groovy.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.

Don’t let your desire for one kind of success eclipse your need for experience. Also, never ever trust white celebrities on the Internet.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“God, what a mess, on the ladder of success
Where you take one step and miss the whole first rung.”
- “Bastards of Young,” by the Replacements