welcome to downtown coolsville

I have a library blog now, check that shit out.

- The reintroduction of Wellbutrin to my life. That is going pretty well, although I was a deeply paranoid mess for the first two weeks and spent a lot of time listening to Kid A and thinking a lizard-man was going to drown me in the bath. I also thought I was Patton Oswalt for like ten seconds, but that may be unrelated.

- An epic going-away party in which I had many drunk feelings and yelled about them. I hugged a lot of people and didn't cry that much. As parties go, it was a good one.

- A move from St. John's to Halifax. I haven't lived full-time in N.S. since 2006, and it's a major adjustment. No one here eats salt meat and they look at me funny when I say "yis." (Then again, Newfoundlanders also look at me funny when I say "yis." My Newfoundland accent leaves something to be desired. Like, for example, any resemblance to an actual Newfoundland accent.) I keep seeing people I think I recognize from high school and staring at them intently. Beginning to wonder if am giving impression of being axe-murderer.

- The end of a job I really, really liked. Working in a bank was not exciting, but it was secure and enjoyable and the people that I worked with were, by and large, very nice. (And they gave me a handbag with zombies on it on my last day, because I was apparently their pet alternabrat. So cute.) Since getting to Halifax I've applied for roughly forty jobs, got interviews for four, and was accepted for one... at Subway. "Displeased" does not quite cover my feelings on this situation, but I am still busily applying for other things, and in the meantime, it's a way to pay the bills.

Also, I get tips, which are pretty rad.

- Dal registration. I have my schedule for my first semester of library school, and I am unbearably excited even though my first class is unbearably early.

- The acquisition of a wee apartment building (with a deck!), nicknamed "The Bro's Nest."

- The acquisition of a mature white lady-cat, name of Violet. She is very affectionate in that anxious, if-I-don't-follow-you-to-the-bathroom-you-will-surely-disappear way that is so particular to shelter cats. The other pusses have adjusted, with the exception of Roman, who seems to be certain that we brought her here specifically to ruin his life. Then again, that is his response to pretty much everything.

- The acquisition of an Amy, who could not initially move down with me because our lease was not up. BUT NOW I HAVE MY CLAWS IN HER AND SHE CANNOT ESCAPE. She finds Halifax bizarre, partly because someone cat-called her the other day by yelling "you're beautiful!" And because people get shot here a lot. She is going to apply to the Funeral Direction program at NSCC, so she can learn how to chill with dead people and their friends.

- The acquisition of NOT A SINGLE FRIEND. I'm okay with it as of right now, because no one has friends when they first move, and the few people I knew in high school who I'd want to be friends with now seem to have vanished. However, if I do not have friends by the end of September I shall be quite put out.

- GAME OF THRONES WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME.

- The new season of Arrested Development, which: eh.

I started university on September 6th, 2006. I was an awkward, rumpled, mousy little thing who couldn't look anyone in the eye. I was pursuing an English degree without having any idea as to what I would do with it- I just knew I loved books and wanted to read as many of them as possible. Thinking about career opportunities and life after graduation seemed a bit pointless. I wasn't sure if I'd make it to grad. I wasn't even sure if I'd make it past my first year. This is because when I started university I was miserable, unmedicated, friendless, cripplingly shy, and an all-around sad panda who didn't like hirself very much. It seemed as though I had nothing to look forward to, up to and including getting my degree.

I graduated on May 24th, 2011. I expected to have a lot of Big Feelings on my way across the stage, but mostly I felt a little nervous (and a lot embarrassed for having buttoned up my cardigan wrong). Most of my Big Feelings are happening now, days after the fact. And my Big Feelings are mostly that I'm fucking rad.

I am twenty-two years old. I have a degree and kept an A average throughout all five years of my program. I've written five novels. I am planning on going to grad school. I'm medicated. I made it out of university without getting into debt. I have fantastic friends and a beautiful, funny fiancee, as well as a pet mouse and a bunny and, as of this afternoon, a cat (!!!). I'm smart, I'm cute, I make people laugh, I can cook and play chess and recite "Jabberwocky" even when I'm blitzed out of my skull. (Especially then.) I'm pretty fucking awesome, all things considered. And as much as B.A.s are useless in the "real world"- which is a place I've never been and never plan to go- I feel like when I'm having a bad day and I forget all the things that make me awesome I'll be able to look at that degree and remember, oh yeah, I did that.

And that's pretty great.

Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read
to the end just to find out who killed the cook.
Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark,
in spite of your intelligence, your sophistication.
Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot,
the one you beat to the punchline, the door, or the one
who left you in your red dress and shoes, the ones
that crimped your toes, don't regret those.
Not the nights you called god names and cursed
your mother, sunk like a dog in the livingroom couch,
chewing your nails and crushed by loneliness.
You were meant to inhale those smoky nights
over a bottle of flat beer, to sweep stuck onion rings
across the dirty restaurant floor, to wear the frayed
coat with its loose buttons, its pockets full of struck matches.
You've walked those streets a thousand times and still
you end up here. Regret none of it, not one
of the wasted days you wanted to know nothing,
when the lights from the carnival rides
were the only stars you believed in, loving them
for their uselessness, not wanting to be saved.
You've traveled this far on the back of every mistake,
ridden in dark-eyed and morose but calm as a house
after the TV set has been pitched out the upstairs
window. Harmless as a broken ax. Emptied
of expectation. Relax. Don't bother remembering
any of it. Let's stop here, under the lit sign
on the corner, and watch all the people walk by.

- "Antilamentation," Dorianne Laux

I am about to leave for the last exam I will ever take as an undergrad.

Wish me luck.

Tonight I made Little Brother watch E.T., because somehow he managed to make it to age thirteen (nearly fourteen!) without seeing it even once. I don't know how that happened. Clearly I fail as a mentor.

E.T. is something I'm slightly embarrassed to admit to getting emotional about, because it's about a white suburban kid who befriends a cuddly alien and that is pretty uncool! But I tear up every time I watch it anyway, because I am a sucker for stories in which Lonely, Alienated Children Befriend Strange Creatures.* Elliott is the first movie character I ever remember really relating to, and I really wanted an E.T. when I was little. Except one that looked a little less weird and ugly and didn't make so many fucked up noises. I also wanted a bike with a basket on the front like Elliott's with which to transport said E.T., and a really huge closet to store it in so my mother wouldn't find out about it. I didn't get any of those, not even the bike with the basket, but it was nice to dream.

Anyway, I think the movie would have gone better for LB if he hadn't just watched the video for "Telephone" fifty bajillion times in a row. He ended up giggling and singing to himself every time E.T. said he was going to phone home and, during the climactic scene in which E.T. goes back onto the spaceship, wondered aloud if Lady Gaga was going to be in there.

Kids these days.

Oh, speaking of Lady Gaga, would you like to hear about how she and Beyonce totally saved my life on Friday? ( You probably don't, which is why I put it under a cut! )

The night after Lady Gaga and Beyonce saved my life, I went to a costume party. I was waffling over what I wanted to be for a while- I've already been a riot grrrl, a zombie Catholic schoolboy, Daria Morgendorfer, and Donnie Darko, so I was starting to run out of ideas. And then I watched Velvet Goldmine twice in one week and started listening to Without You I'm Nothing again and, well, ( this happened. )

Things currently making my life:

The Iggy Pop/Gerard Way interview, still. Even though it is mostly a back-and-forth consisting of "You're GREAT, Iggy!" "No, YOU'RE great, Gerard!" "Oh, know what else is great? Green Day!" "And golf!" "And babies!" "Gosh, everything is so great." "Just like us." "Yeah."

This nostalgic post about the early days of the Internets. I find it difficult to picture a world without lolcats. I mean, obviously I know it existed, I was ALIVE, but still. Weird.

Health care! Granted, I'm Canadian so I already had it, but still, hurrah. (The Stupak Amendment is still getting me down, though.)

This. Yes. A thousand times yes.

Baby otters.

... my mother just poked her head into my bedroom to inform me that she stole a turkey. I think the poor woman may finally be cracking under the stress.


* The Iron Giant is also something I get absurdly teary over. Actually, E.T. and The Iron Giant are pretty much the same story, except one has kids riding bicycles into the moon and the other one has, um, atomic bombs. I think The Iron Giant is a better story overall, but I don't remember watching it in a pair of footie pajamas so E.T. has the upper hand when it comes to turnin' on the waterworks.

** His parents are Ukrainian-Canadian (hence the single-vowel name), he was raised partly in London, and he spent a good lot of his college years in Prague. Try to imagine what that sounds like. Then add a drawl, expressive hand gestures, a look of vague disdain, and a little black cap. Yep. TERRIFYING.

*** No, really, that's how I said it.

20 Websites From Before The Internet Was Invented. #9 is my favourite. Oh, Oliver Cromwell, you were such a dick.

Lyn-Z and that nerd she married. ♥

(Also, Ellen DeGeneres and that nerd she married. ♥♥♥♥♥)

Man Called Zombie While Ordering Food, Punched Twice. There will never be a greater headline than that. Ever. Read it over a few times and savour its AWESOME.

'Skirt boys' make waves in wild world of Tokyo street fashion. I was going to make an anime joke here but then I decided it'd be a little too obvious.

The Kindest Cut: In Colorado, a surgeon helps restore feeling—and so much more—to victims of female genital mutilation. This whole article made me tear up a little. Especially this bit:

A California nurse, Ngozi, who was circumcised as a newborn in Nigeria and also had her labia entirely cut away, came to Bowers in August. She is already feeling results, she tells NEWSWEEK. "Before, I would look at my textbook and look at myself and they were two different things. I wasn't even human." Bowers performed not only the clitoral operation but also plastic surgery to create labia for Ngozi, 34. "Now when I look at myself I feel like a woman," says Ngozi, who says she has even experienced orgasms for the first time in her life. "It's beautiful, I just love it, it feels like you're melting. Before it irritated me when my husband tried to touch me, now I reach out to him."

♥______________; GUYSSSSSSSSSS

( Going to school in boymode. )

This video about how science is magic.

The world is just awesome. <3

In unrelated news, since it seems I will be in university for a good long while yet (this is because I transferred and dropped a class and also God hates me), I am considering getting a certificate in Library Science as well as a diploma in Creative Writing. That way I will nourish both my lifelong dream of being a ~writer and my need to eventually support myself and any cats I may choose to adopt. Good idea, y/n/you're going to be in school until you die, aren't you?

( Something I saw on my way to class today, plus two pictures of tunnels. )

I've been trying to make Life Plans lately, and this is what I've come up with so far:

- Finish BA.
- Leave Newfoundland ten minutes later and go back to Halifax.
- Get pet rats.
- Take over the world.

I think it needs some work, but the basics are there!

And now it's time to learn about Sodom and Gomorrah.



I've taken to reading thegaystarfish out loud to Little Sister (because she really likes the pictures but is a pretty slow reader). Her favourite character is Ryan Rosso. :]

Know what is awesome about working in a bookstore? Besides, you know, everything?

The fact that when things are slow and there's nothing to do, instead of making awkward small talk with your coworkers about what you're going to do after your shift* you make awesome small talk with your coworkers about how lame Edward Cullen is. &myjob;

I'm a little stressed out right now, because I have an essay to write and an exam to study for and I'm behind on NaNo again, argh, so here's a video of a tiiiiiiny French girl tells a story about Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and a hippopotamus who is allergic to magic. I dare you not to squee.


Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

*_*

* Although we did talk about that. My response: "Oh, I'm in for a crazy night. First I'm gonna go home. Then I'm gonna make a cup of tea. Then- and this is pretty intense, don't get too excited- I'm gonna write a paper."

Life is so funny.

This morning I was really, really sad and cranky, because job, and because midterm, and because essay, and because other midterm, and because depression.* I was still feeling pretty cranky when I got out of my last class, because grammar, and because rain. And then I bumped (very nearly literally) into an old friend of mine from high school, Jennah! (Back when she believed in the Internets she went by _calamityjane_.) She hadn't known I'd switched campuses, and even though we grew apart after she graduated we decided to hang out for a little while.

We were walking back to her residence apartment and she asked me if I knew anyone else on campus. If I'd seen anyone "from home."

"Not really," I said. We'd wandered into a part of the school I hadn't been to before, and I was looking around to make sure I wouldn't get lost when I walked back. "Just my old... roommate... Stephanie..."

I trailed off, because there, walking towards me, was my old roommate Stephanie!

"Gerald!" she exclaimed, waving. "I didn't know you transferred here!"

"Neither did I," Jennah said, and they started talking, and it dawned on me in a matter of seconds that not only do these two know each other, they're fucking roommates.

"This," I said to the world at large, "is so. Fucking. Weird."

And I sat on their couch and gossiped for two hours, and it was fucking weird, and fucking awesome.

(I also saw a rat on the lawn! Which does not sound adorable but really, really was because he was carrying a wrapper in his mouth for his nest and it was waving like a flag and he kept hopping. I love rats.)

( I found some pictures I took the other day. )


* For which I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning! Which is good.

Take a picture of yourself right now.
Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair... just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.



I remember in my last year of high school a friend told me that he couldn't look directly at my face because my eyes were too creepy. It kind of hurt my feelings at the time, but... um... I understand now. Helloooo, creepy stalker eyes. (Of course, this was also the guy who told me that I was "like a fish, if fish were really smart." And he was one of my NON-stoner friends, too. So.)

I have less than twenty-four hours to finish an explication du texte for Protagoras, so if I'm around a lot today it's because I am adamantly refusing to do actual work. FIGHT THE POWER. OR, YOU KNOW, BE LAZY. EITHER OR.

Also, I just found a new favourite song: Marching Band- Travel In Time. I have no idea how it ended up on my computer, but I'm glad it did. ( Here are the lyrics. )