In which we get all teary about bandom.
Jan. 24th, 2009 08:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ishyface[Please note: this whole post is about how much this fandom means to me, and it gets very very soppy. Also, it's kind of long. If you can't stomach that at the moment, check out this list of the top 5 most horrifying bugs in the world. The soldier ants freak me out the most.]
I've been in bandom for a little over a year now. I don't know how it happened, really- a lot of it had to do with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
redheaded_itch, and twobit, and having lurked in an RPS fandom before, and already being (secretly) into the music anyway, and lots and lots of other things, but mostly I just kind of fell into it before I realized what was happening.
I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that was making me pretty miserable. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I had no idea how to address. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I needed to escape from. Music does that for me. Always has. So has writing. So I looked at bandom, shrugged my shoulders, and thought why not?
Because of where I lived (and live) and the amount of money I had, I couldn't go to shows or festivals or fan meet-ups. I couldn't really do anything but read and write and listen to music, and that was enough. It was something that was mine, something that none of the stupid shit happening outside could ruin or take away. Maybe it sounds dumb to say that bandom got me through the year, because lol overinvestment. But it's still true, at least a little. Bandom was my escape. It was a way to leave the ugly things behind and just be happy or silly or thoughtful or even angry about something totally outside myself, and I needed that more than anything.
There's so much I love about these bands.
I love Panic at the Disco. I love that I went from wanting to kick Ryan Ross in the face to chinhandsing in his general direction in the space of eight months. I love mothertruckin' flapjacks. I love that they are gay hippie cowboy stoners. I love Brendon's stupid hoodie and Ryan Ross's stupid vests and Spencer's stupid facial hair and Jon's stupid flip flops. I love that I can't refer to Ryan Ross without his last name. I love best friends, and Pretty. Odd in its entirety, and that things have changed for me and that's okay.
I love Amanda Palmer. I love her blog (and Katie Kay's!). I love that she's able to reach inside you and stir up your fucking soul with her words and her voice. I love the Rebellyon. I love her ridiculous eyebrows and her protest dances. I love the Backstabber video. I love her ukelele serenades. I love that she's upfront about body, her insecurities, her sexuality, and that she fucking owns it all.
I love the Hush Sound. I love Greta Salpeter and her creepy-ass dreams. I love Darren's Bible collection. I love(d) Chris's vendetta against Fanta. (I don't love that Chris left, but I am still sort of in denial about that.) I love Greta's story about being raised by tigers. I love the FAQ and the Ding-Dong song. I love "Eileen," and I love that that's been one of my favourite songs for almost three years. I love their obsession with Elliott Smith and that they actually READ. I love listening to "Echo" and watching the snowflakes swirl in time to the music. I love walking in the middle of the night, singing "Honey" and dancing and hoping to God nobody's watching.
I love the Academy Is... I love that the first time I saw one of their videos I was convinced that William was a laydee. I love William's inability to take himself less seriously and I love his stupid blog and his stupid fiction and his stupid face. I love Carden's death eyes and his ridiculous laugh. I love the Butcher's refusal to wear clothes for more than five minutes (three if it's hot out). I love Michael Guy Chislett's perpetual cluelessness. I love Sisky's everything. I love the fact that they wrote what is basically a pop-punk concept album about how much high school sucks, and I love the fact that their album before that was a pop-punk album about how EVERYTHING sucks. I love TAI TV and would fully watch it every fuckin' day if it was actually ON TV. (Including reruns!) I love the fact that when I feel cramped or claustrophobic I can play "Neighbors" at maximum volume and suddenly be okay again.
I love Gym Class Heroes. I love that I spent approximately 40% of my time last semester listening to "Clothes Off!" I love Travie's art, on canvas and skin. I love that they're a hybrid band that nobody knows what to do with, and I love that they can tour with Fall Out Boy one year and Lil' Wayne the next. I love Travie's doll. I love being able to introduce people to "Naked Peekaboo" and watch their expressions slowly change. I love that Matt and Travie are the loves of each other's lives. I love that Disashi's so psyched about his upcoming bb. (I don't love Eric very much, but that's mostly because he reminds me of Tom Cruise.) I love Medieval Heroes. I love that I used to hate "Cupid's Chokehold" so much, and I love their silly songs about MySpace. I love that Travie posts Death Cab lyrics on his blog just like the rest of us, and I love that (unlike the rest of us) he's not afraid to bash in someone's head with a microphone if they're wrong. I love their k-os collaborations. I love every single goddamn minute of The Quilt, even the bits that are about Katy Perry. I love that I can listen to "Taxi Driver" anytime, anywhere, and smile.
I love Fall Out Boy. I love that Patrick started singing accidentally and I love that he and Pete trust each other against their better instincts. I love Fuck City and Matt Mixon and Hemingway. I love vampire!Pete. I love their stupid record-breaking shenanigans, and Joe's hair, and Patrick's hats. I love that "Hum Hallelujah" existed when I needed it the most. I love that I discovered them through a stupid RPG. I love that they got their name by accident. I love pretty much everything about Pete Wentz, like how he seems to get dressed in the dark and how he admits to regretting a lot of his tattoos and how when he believes in something he will not stop until the whole rest of the world believes in it too and how a few years ago he was this fucked-up suicidal kid who didn't know how to function and now he's happy and healthy and has a wife and a baby and pretty clearly loves the fuck out of his life. I love singing the chorus of "Grand Theft Autumn" at the top of my lungs all through the summer.
I love Cobra Starship. I love that Gabe Saporta was a tiny little punk kid and suddenly decided it'd be more fun to be a pop star and write songs about locking girls up in his basement. I love their silly backstory and the Supergroup and those motherfucking snakes on that motherfucking plane. I love Viva la Cobra! and Vicky-T's tiny dresses and Gabe's ongoing love affair with fan communities. I love Alex Suarez's opinions on fanfiction. I love Nate Alone and I love punk rock Justin Timberlakes. I love not knowing when they're being ironic and when they're not, and I love that I don't care either way. I love Guy motherfuckin' Ripley and This Is Ivy League. I love how open they are to their fans and how they don't ever seemed to get creeped out by anything anyone does. (Possibly because Gabe Saporta is already the biggest creeper on the planet.) I love seeing girls my little brother's age teach each other the "Guilty Pleasure" dance. I love that they're silly and fun and are here for the fuckin' party without being shallow or insipid, and I love that what they've taken from punk rock is not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. Because they came here to make us dance tonight.
I love Mindless Self Indulgence. I love their silly names and their ridiculous hair. I love that "Faggot" was the first song I ever heard that used that term positively. I love Jimmy Urine's marital shenanigans and Erin Bloggovitch. I love that they're tagged as "religious" on iTunes. I love that Kitty is so chill and Steve, Righ? the beautiful fat girl. I love their open letters to Panic at the Disco. I love Lyn-Z's everything. I love that I wrote the best essay of my academic career while listening to "Bitches" on repeat. (It was about prostitution and the New Woman in George Bernard Shaw's "Mrs. Warren's Profession," in case you were wondering.) I love that they're all smelly art school dropouts who approach music from a different angle, who aren't interested in shredding or writing the perfect fucking pop song. I love that they make songs the way they make scenes- noisily, brattily, and with too much confidence for their own good.
I love the Used. I love that Bert McCracken's lyrics simultaneously make my skin crawl and make me want to dance. I love all the things that Dan has and I love cleaning wizards. I love every single goddamn minute of Lies for the Liars, and how it's equally Songs About How Much Bert Loves His Fiancee and Songs About How Bert Is Mad At Gerard. I love squishing. I love that Bert's mental instability and laissez-faire approach to personal hygiene never makes him less adorable. I love Jepha's dumb tattoos, inability to learn Japanese, and (canon) love of pegging. I love Dan's big goofy smile and his brohats. I am learning to love Quinn's bitchface. I love that "Buried Myself Alive" kept me company at night the first time I fell in love with a girl. I love that "Pretty Handsome Awkard" kept me company in the day the last time I fell out of love with a girl. I love that I started listening to them way back in 2003, and I love that it was kind of by accident, and I love that they've been there ever since whenever I need them.
I love My Chemical Romance. Holy fuck do I love My Chemical Romance. I love their blogs and their Twitters. I love every goddamn minute of Life on the Murder Scene. I love people putting their hands in cupcakes. I love "you cannot destroy me" and the Breakfast Monkey. I love![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
thegaystarfish. I love Bob's secret trolling ways and his dogs and his total inability to be a Famous Guy. I love Ray's girly laugh and his Warcraft shirt. I love Frank's questionable tattoos, even more questionable facial hair, and silly side project. I love Mikey's single facial expression and his scene queenery and his codependent relationship with his brother. I love Gerard Way. I'm gonna say that again because I think it bears repeating: I love Gerard Way. I love his weird little face and his tiny teeth and his splayed-out pinky finger. I love his comic and how much he loves Bikini Kill and how he can't shut up about his wife. I love that he gets genuinely upset about racism, sexism, and homophobia to the point of Making Statements with feather boas and other dudes' tongues in his mouth. I love that he worries about kids' safety and calls out people who are being douchey in the pit. I love the things he writes on his arms. I love that he started out depressed, drunk, and going nowhere in life and that he managed to pull himself out of that, and I love that he makes music to help other people do the same thing. I love that this band will Save Your Life. I love that they're not afraid to say that, that they're unabashedly earnest and joyful and intense about the music they make. I love "Famous Last Words". I loved seeing them live. I love that from the first time I heard "Helena" I knew this was going to be my band. I love that even now I can listen to that song, or "Welcome to the Black Parade," or "Headfirst For Halos," and feel happy and secure and so fucking grateful that they exist.
Bandom's at least partially responsible for a lot of changes I've made in the past year. If it wasn't for bandom I probably never would have picked up a bass. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten the nerve to get tattooed or pierced. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have started writing songs again. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten over myself and realized it was okay for me to look however I wanted to look, listen to whatever I wanted to listen to. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have made the decision to leave Grenfell, because I wouldn't have been able to look at my real life versus my online life and realize that one made me miserable in comparison to the other. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have been able to get outside myself at all, and that means I never would have been able to get better.
I'm not saying everything's okay now, because it's not. I still need to work on just about everything. But I actually can work on things now, instead of sitting around and wishing things would get better, and it's because of the music.
Music changed my life. Music saved my life. That's important.
I've been in bandom for a little over a year now. I don't know how it happened, really- a lot of it had to do with
redheaded_itch, and twobit, and having lurked in an RPS fandom before, and already being (secretly) into the music anyway, and lots and lots of other things, but mostly I just kind of fell into it before I realized what was happening.I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that was making me pretty miserable. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I had no idea how to address. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I needed to escape from. Music does that for me. Always has. So has writing. So I looked at bandom, shrugged my shoulders, and thought why not?
Because of where I lived (and live) and the amount of money I had, I couldn't go to shows or festivals or fan meet-ups. I couldn't really do anything but read and write and listen to music, and that was enough. It was something that was mine, something that none of the stupid shit happening outside could ruin or take away. Maybe it sounds dumb to say that bandom got me through the year, because lol overinvestment. But it's still true, at least a little. Bandom was my escape. It was a way to leave the ugly things behind and just be happy or silly or thoughtful or even angry about something totally outside myself, and I needed that more than anything.
There's so much I love about these bands.
I love Panic at the Disco. I love that I went from wanting to kick Ryan Ross in the face to chinhandsing in his general direction in the space of eight months. I love mothertruckin' flapjacks. I love that they are gay hippie cowboy stoners. I love Brendon's stupid hoodie and Ryan Ross's stupid vests and Spencer's stupid facial hair and Jon's stupid flip flops. I love that I can't refer to Ryan Ross without his last name. I love best friends, and Pretty. Odd in its entirety, and that things have changed for me and that's okay.
I love Amanda Palmer. I love her blog (and Katie Kay's!). I love that she's able to reach inside you and stir up your fucking soul with her words and her voice. I love the Rebellyon. I love her ridiculous eyebrows and her protest dances. I love the Backstabber video. I love her ukelele serenades. I love that she's upfront about body, her insecurities, her sexuality, and that she fucking owns it all.
I love the Hush Sound. I love Greta Salpeter and her creepy-ass dreams. I love Darren's Bible collection. I love(d) Chris's vendetta against Fanta. (I don't love that Chris left, but I am still sort of in denial about that.) I love Greta's story about being raised by tigers. I love the FAQ and the Ding-Dong song. I love "Eileen," and I love that that's been one of my favourite songs for almost three years. I love their obsession with Elliott Smith and that they actually READ. I love listening to "Echo" and watching the snowflakes swirl in time to the music. I love walking in the middle of the night, singing "Honey" and dancing and hoping to God nobody's watching.
I love the Academy Is... I love that the first time I saw one of their videos I was convinced that William was a laydee. I love William's inability to take himself less seriously and I love his stupid blog and his stupid fiction and his stupid face. I love Carden's death eyes and his ridiculous laugh. I love the Butcher's refusal to wear clothes for more than five minutes (three if it's hot out). I love Michael Guy Chislett's perpetual cluelessness. I love Sisky's everything. I love the fact that they wrote what is basically a pop-punk concept album about how much high school sucks, and I love the fact that their album before that was a pop-punk album about how EVERYTHING sucks. I love TAI TV and would fully watch it every fuckin' day if it was actually ON TV. (Including reruns!) I love the fact that when I feel cramped or claustrophobic I can play "Neighbors" at maximum volume and suddenly be okay again.
I love Gym Class Heroes. I love that I spent approximately 40% of my time last semester listening to "Clothes Off!" I love Travie's art, on canvas and skin. I love that they're a hybrid band that nobody knows what to do with, and I love that they can tour with Fall Out Boy one year and Lil' Wayne the next. I love Travie's doll. I love being able to introduce people to "Naked Peekaboo" and watch their expressions slowly change. I love that Matt and Travie are the loves of each other's lives. I love that Disashi's so psyched about his upcoming bb. (I don't love Eric very much, but that's mostly because he reminds me of Tom Cruise.) I love Medieval Heroes. I love that I used to hate "Cupid's Chokehold" so much, and I love their silly songs about MySpace. I love that Travie posts Death Cab lyrics on his blog just like the rest of us, and I love that (unlike the rest of us) he's not afraid to bash in someone's head with a microphone if they're wrong. I love their k-os collaborations. I love every single goddamn minute of The Quilt, even the bits that are about Katy Perry. I love that I can listen to "Taxi Driver" anytime, anywhere, and smile.
I love Fall Out Boy. I love that Patrick started singing accidentally and I love that he and Pete trust each other against their better instincts. I love Fuck City and Matt Mixon and Hemingway. I love vampire!Pete. I love their stupid record-breaking shenanigans, and Joe's hair, and Patrick's hats. I love that "Hum Hallelujah" existed when I needed it the most. I love that I discovered them through a stupid RPG. I love that they got their name by accident. I love pretty much everything about Pete Wentz, like how he seems to get dressed in the dark and how he admits to regretting a lot of his tattoos and how when he believes in something he will not stop until the whole rest of the world believes in it too and how a few years ago he was this fucked-up suicidal kid who didn't know how to function and now he's happy and healthy and has a wife and a baby and pretty clearly loves the fuck out of his life. I love singing the chorus of "Grand Theft Autumn" at the top of my lungs all through the summer.
I love Cobra Starship. I love that Gabe Saporta was a tiny little punk kid and suddenly decided it'd be more fun to be a pop star and write songs about locking girls up in his basement. I love their silly backstory and the Supergroup and those motherfucking snakes on that motherfucking plane. I love Viva la Cobra! and Vicky-T's tiny dresses and Gabe's ongoing love affair with fan communities. I love Alex Suarez's opinions on fanfiction. I love Nate Alone and I love punk rock Justin Timberlakes. I love not knowing when they're being ironic and when they're not, and I love that I don't care either way. I love Guy motherfuckin' Ripley and This Is Ivy League. I love how open they are to their fans and how they don't ever seemed to get creeped out by anything anyone does. (Possibly because Gabe Saporta is already the biggest creeper on the planet.) I love seeing girls my little brother's age teach each other the "Guilty Pleasure" dance. I love that they're silly and fun and are here for the fuckin' party without being shallow or insipid, and I love that what they've taken from punk rock is not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. Because they came here to make us dance tonight.
I love Mindless Self Indulgence. I love their silly names and their ridiculous hair. I love that "Faggot" was the first song I ever heard that used that term positively. I love Jimmy Urine's marital shenanigans and Erin Bloggovitch. I love that they're tagged as "religious" on iTunes. I love that Kitty is so chill and Steve, Righ? the beautiful fat girl. I love their open letters to Panic at the Disco. I love Lyn-Z's everything. I love that I wrote the best essay of my academic career while listening to "Bitches" on repeat. (It was about prostitution and the New Woman in George Bernard Shaw's "Mrs. Warren's Profession," in case you were wondering.) I love that they're all smelly art school dropouts who approach music from a different angle, who aren't interested in shredding or writing the perfect fucking pop song. I love that they make songs the way they make scenes- noisily, brattily, and with too much confidence for their own good.
I love the Used. I love that Bert McCracken's lyrics simultaneously make my skin crawl and make me want to dance. I love all the things that Dan has and I love cleaning wizards. I love every single goddamn minute of Lies for the Liars, and how it's equally Songs About How Much Bert Loves His Fiancee and Songs About How Bert Is Mad At Gerard. I love squishing. I love that Bert's mental instability and laissez-faire approach to personal hygiene never makes him less adorable. I love Jepha's dumb tattoos, inability to learn Japanese, and (canon) love of pegging. I love Dan's big goofy smile and his brohats. I am learning to love Quinn's bitchface. I love that "Buried Myself Alive" kept me company at night the first time I fell in love with a girl. I love that "Pretty Handsome Awkard" kept me company in the day the last time I fell out of love with a girl. I love that I started listening to them way back in 2003, and I love that it was kind of by accident, and I love that they've been there ever since whenever I need them.
I love My Chemical Romance. Holy fuck do I love My Chemical Romance. I love their blogs and their Twitters. I love every goddamn minute of Life on the Murder Scene. I love people putting their hands in cupcakes. I love "you cannot destroy me" and the Breakfast Monkey. I love
thegaystarfish. I love Bob's secret trolling ways and his dogs and his total inability to be a Famous Guy. I love Ray's girly laugh and his Warcraft shirt. I love Frank's questionable tattoos, even more questionable facial hair, and silly side project. I love Mikey's single facial expression and his scene queenery and his codependent relationship with his brother. I love Gerard Way. I'm gonna say that again because I think it bears repeating: I love Gerard Way. I love his weird little face and his tiny teeth and his splayed-out pinky finger. I love his comic and how much he loves Bikini Kill and how he can't shut up about his wife. I love that he gets genuinely upset about racism, sexism, and homophobia to the point of Making Statements with feather boas and other dudes' tongues in his mouth. I love that he worries about kids' safety and calls out people who are being douchey in the pit. I love the things he writes on his arms. I love that he started out depressed, drunk, and going nowhere in life and that he managed to pull himself out of that, and I love that he makes music to help other people do the same thing. I love that this band will Save Your Life. I love that they're not afraid to say that, that they're unabashedly earnest and joyful and intense about the music they make. I love "Famous Last Words". I loved seeing them live. I love that from the first time I heard "Helena" I knew this was going to be my band. I love that even now I can listen to that song, or "Welcome to the Black Parade," or "Headfirst For Halos," and feel happy and secure and so fucking grateful that they exist.Bandom's at least partially responsible for a lot of changes I've made in the past year. If it wasn't for bandom I probably never would have picked up a bass. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten the nerve to get tattooed or pierced. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have started writing songs again. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten over myself and realized it was okay for me to look however I wanted to look, listen to whatever I wanted to listen to. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have made the decision to leave Grenfell, because I wouldn't have been able to look at my real life versus my online life and realize that one made me miserable in comparison to the other. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have been able to get outside myself at all, and that means I never would have been able to get better.
I'm not saying everything's okay now, because it's not. I still need to work on just about everything. But I actually can work on things now, instead of sitting around and wishing things would get better, and it's because of the music.
Music changed my life. Music saved my life. That's important.