"I saw a star underneath the stairs..."

Mm. Ever notice that bacon always sounds happy to be cooked?

But anyway. To business, which I am trying very hard to avoid because it involves not talking in riddles and it's hard to break that habit. Or just say what I need to say, really.
This is mostly an entry for me to spew venom, and it will make you mad because I'll be addressing individuals. And if you're reading this, you're probably one of them.
Okay. So all of a sudden I don't exist to you- online, offline, whatever, when I'm there you pretend I'm not. The thing is you seem to think that's perfectly okay... that or I'm off of your MSN lists or whatever, I wouldn't be very surprised.
It isn't. You wouldn't believe the depth of its not okay-ness. And yes it fucking well hurts that all of a sudden I don't seem to fit and I don't know why... I'm just being the way I've ALWAYS been. Why is that suddenly too weird or too angry or too whatever for you?
One of you will recognize this quote and who said it: "I'm human, I need things spelled out for me." And I do. If you hate me say it. If not explain. But don't just leave me alone. Because the way this is going you're both going to drift out of my life the way you drifted into it AND I DON'T WANT THAT. And if you do...
If you do, well, there're only so many ways to say "fuck it all" politely, ne?
And I know you've said that you don't mean to hurt me. That doesn't really make that big a difference though.
Despite what I said before about spewing venom, I'm being as nice as I can... well, nice when you consider that right now I'm trying not to either cry or break something. I'm just tired of dancing around this. I've lost all of my friends from before the seventh grade and I've hated that... kami-sama, I know you both know how that feels, to lose people for stupid fucked-up reasons. Why would you want that?
Am I that vile? Or is it just that I don't matter?
I can't think of some witty turn of phrase to end this entry with. My head hurts from holding all of this uselessness in it...
Don't ignore it. Hate me, curse me for a thousand generations, tell me that I'm a worthless fuck up, but don't ignore it. Or this. Because no matter that you think I'm doing it to get attention, I mean every word.

~Jehane

"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." - Lin Yutang (I thought you might like this one)

"You crazy fool, I won't give in to you."

Oh, never mind. I'm just being a dumbass. And going about it all the wrong way too.
I epiphanied (I know that's not a verb) weeks ago that I would let whatever happens happen. That includes whatever.
And look. Isn't the sky pretty?

As a sidenote... LOOK! NAKED QUIDDITCH!
(Knew that'd get your attention. Here's the link: http://www.gryffindortower.net/Library/Anya/naked1.htm )
May the Force be with the pervy HP fans. Always.

~Jehane

"Wonderful girl! Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her." - Han Solo (Can I buy this guy somewhere? Please?)