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Things that bug me, Part #898906857
Nov. 8th, 2008 01:56 pmMouth-breathers. Unless you have a cold, there is no need to breathe through your mouth. There just isn't.
Slow walking. Yes, stopping to smell the roses is great and all, but we're in a stairwell. HURRY THE FUCK UP.
Toe rings. There is no rational reason for me to hate toe rings as much as I do. None at all. And yet.
Parents who get the Twilight books for their eight-year-old daughters. Is it good that your kids are reading? Absolutely! But if the backasswards gender roles don't convince you not to buy them for your wee ones, the scene with the baby vampire BREAKING ITS MOTHER'S SPINE should do the trick.
People who laugh at the end of every sentence. Especially when said sentence is something like "I bought some milk this morning" or "I need to finish my English paper but I'm kind of strapped for time, damn" or "my cat was just run over by a train and I'm really depressed." NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE FUNNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Weirdass erotica. I was tidying at work last night and I cracked one open out of boredom. I got as far as "he worked the cucumber into her sex" before I closed it again. Vegetables = sexy, apparently!
First comment dances. Shut up. No one cares.
YouTube commenters. Shut up. No one cares.
People who take twenty minutes at the start of class to tell the teacher all about their personal life. SHUT UP. NO ONE CARES.
Fervent nodding. Especially fervent nodding in response to someone who is not speaking directly to you, like a lecturer or Oprah.
Things not scanning at cash registers. Because some wiseacre inevitably says "it must be free!" And then I have to STAB THEM.
Beards. Aw, man, FUCK BEARDS.
Things that make me happy? Chili for breaklunch, Cat and Girl, and The Life of Brian. I love Saturdays.
ETA:
w00t.
Slow walking. Yes, stopping to smell the roses is great and all, but we're in a stairwell. HURRY THE FUCK UP.
Toe rings. There is no rational reason for me to hate toe rings as much as I do. None at all. And yet.
Parents who get the Twilight books for their eight-year-old daughters. Is it good that your kids are reading? Absolutely! But if the backasswards gender roles don't convince you not to buy them for your wee ones, the scene with the baby vampire BREAKING ITS MOTHER'S SPINE should do the trick.
People who laugh at the end of every sentence. Especially when said sentence is something like "I bought some milk this morning" or "I need to finish my English paper but I'm kind of strapped for time, damn" or "my cat was just run over by a train and I'm really depressed." NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE FUNNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Weirdass erotica. I was tidying at work last night and I cracked one open out of boredom. I got as far as "he worked the cucumber into her sex" before I closed it again. Vegetables = sexy, apparently!
First comment dances. Shut up. No one cares.
YouTube commenters. Shut up. No one cares.
People who take twenty minutes at the start of class to tell the teacher all about their personal life. SHUT UP. NO ONE CARES.
Fervent nodding. Especially fervent nodding in response to someone who is not speaking directly to you, like a lecturer or Oprah.
Things not scanning at cash registers. Because some wiseacre inevitably says "it must be free!" And then I have to STAB THEM.
Beards. Aw, man, FUCK BEARDS.
Things that make me happy? Chili for breaklunch, Cat and Girl, and The Life of Brian. I love Saturdays.
ETA:
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11,561 / 50,000 (23.1%) |
w00t.