you're such a hipsteOH MY GOD WHO CARES

Yes, in fact, there is something more annoying than hipsters. It's when you spend all your time whining about hipsters and how they've ruined everything and you're totally NOT one because you liked the Smiths FIRST and also BEST (really? the Smiths? that's the hipster litmus test? everybody I fucking KNOW listens to goddamn "How Soon Is Now", if the Smiths are for hipsters so is fucking Coldplay) and you used to smoke a stem pipe because you like the taste of pipe tobacco but then those fuckers down in Williamsburg ruined it and blah blah blah I am the specialest why does no one notice how cool and precious and non-hipstery I am.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Maybe you are a hipster! Maybe you're not! Maybe it is a completely arbitrary meaningless word people throw around when other people like things they like and they feel insecure about it! WHO CARES. SERIOUSLY, WHO CARES. Either no one is a hipster, because you can't just decide whether or not someone likes something genuinely or ironically by looking at them, or everyone is a hipster, because everybody likes at least one "cool" thing, and either way everyone needs to shut their fucking yawps about hipsters so we can all get on with listening to Meat Is Murder on vinyl. Fuck.

This rant, first articulated at nine in the morning to one of my cats, is brought to you by the world's most annoying man.