Exactly. I find myself being critical of this sort of thing lately. I mean, I pity people stuck in these relationships, but I find it mighty interesting that heterosexuality is the thing in our culture, and yet, due to the same stereotypes and ideas that say "heterosexual is the way to be", people are convinced they will never understand the "opposite sex" or whatever, and enter into these venomous relationships thinking that's the way things are.
It's also hilarious that heterosexual marriage is held up as "traditional" and sacred . . . and yet gender stereotypes have so perverted the balance between female and male as to produce this battle of the sexes thing . . . which means a whole lot of, well, not sacred marriages at all. But just sad and dysfunctional. They are culturally condoned battlegrounds and monuments to fallen, I guess.
I hope that makes sense. Don't get me wrong. I've seen straight marriages that work, really work, and require no quashing of anyone on the basis of expectations on their gender. But then, I was raised in a traditional household and lots of my family is still pretty traditional. Not close-minded. But they just never had to question a lot of things and never thought anything of basically repeating a watered down, slightly more updated version of what their parents, or grandparents did, marriage and family wise. (Meaning: women have made progress, yeah, but they still are the ones doing most of the household chores or cleaning up after their husbands. Little things. Like my griping about how Football Sundays work.)
I can't say, though, that my version will be much different. Except for the whole FTM dude married to the other dude and adopting kids part. And hopefully the non-friction I feel when I am with someone of the same gender. I am relieved that I understand I get a choice in what I accept or don't accept in a relationship, especially marriage. And I am relieved and hopeful that I will find someone who regards me as his equal and does halvses on most everything (unless we agree otherwise). Maybe I will find someone who gets it, or end up with someone who needs a little work to understand (well, the gender thing is a bit of a loop de loop sometimes). But guess I am just relieved I don't have to do it with a straight guy. For some reason, most straight dudes are the most resistant and most retrograde to these kinds of things in my experience. And not because they are bad people, or even sexist. They just don't want to have to dwell on it, I guess. My own brother is a bit of a putz about cleaning up after himself, and acts like I'm a nag if I just say: uh, pick up your towel, dude.
In short: I discovered I hated being in straight relationships with clueless straight men with a burning, fiery passion.
And now I will drink tea. Because tea makes everything better.
Anyways.
What do you think made you change your mind on all this?
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on 2008-11-24 11:16 pm (UTC)It's also hilarious that heterosexual marriage is held up as "traditional" and sacred . . . and yet gender stereotypes have so perverted the balance between female and male as to produce this battle of the sexes thing . . . which means a whole lot of, well, not sacred marriages at all. But just sad and dysfunctional. They are culturally condoned battlegrounds and monuments to fallen, I guess.
I hope that makes sense. Don't get me wrong. I've seen straight marriages that work, really work, and require no quashing of anyone on the basis of expectations on their gender. But then, I was raised in a traditional household and lots of my family is still pretty traditional. Not close-minded. But they just never had to question a lot of things and never thought anything of basically repeating a watered down, slightly more updated version of what their parents, or grandparents did, marriage and family wise. (Meaning: women have made progress, yeah, but they still are the ones doing most of the household chores or cleaning up after their husbands. Little things. Like my griping about how Football Sundays work.)
I can't say, though, that my version will be much different. Except for the whole FTM dude married to the other dude and adopting kids part. And hopefully the non-friction I feel when I am with someone of the same gender. I am relieved that I understand I get a choice in what I accept or don't accept in a relationship, especially marriage. And I am relieved and hopeful that I will find someone who regards me as his equal and does halvses on most everything (unless we agree otherwise). Maybe I will find someone who gets it, or end up with someone who needs a little work to understand (well, the gender thing is a bit of a loop de loop sometimes). But guess I am just relieved I don't have to do it with a straight guy. For some reason, most straight dudes are the most resistant and most retrograde to these kinds of things in my experience. And not because they are bad people, or even sexist. They just don't want to have to dwell on it, I guess. My own brother is a bit of a putz about cleaning up after himself, and acts like I'm a nag if I just say: uh, pick up your towel, dude.
In short: I discovered I hated being in straight relationships with clueless straight men with a burning, fiery passion.
And now I will drink tea. Because tea makes everything better.
Anyways.
What do you think made you change your mind on all this?