Weird.

[ishyface]

Something I realized a little while ago: I want to get married someday.

Not now. Not tomorrow. Not even soon. I'm only twenty, for God's sake, it's not like I'm in a rush. But someday. Eventually. In the, you know, very distant future.

It doesn't sound like a big, earth-shattering sort of realization when I say it like that, but it really is for me. I remember deciding rather definitely when I was younger that marriage was a silly outdated institution and I didn't want to have anything to do with it ever, and I kind of feel weird for not feeling that way anymore.

I mean, I was twelve at the time. Still.

Probably what weirds me out the most about this is that I've always kind of been snooty about the whole queer marriage thing- like people who get married, or even just want to, are cleaving to our repressive anti-sexual heterosexist capitalist patriarchal blah blah blabbity blah. Discovering that I'd actually like to partake in that represssive et cetera, coupled with the (fairly recent) discovery that I'm monosexual and monogamous, makes me worry that I'm becoming one of those dam' assimilationist queers that I used to get so het up about. (Pun intended.) I don't think I am, exactly- just because some of my personal tastes and desires happen to line up with certain social norms doesn't mean I haven't questioned those norms, or that those tastes and desires are illegitimate- but it makes me a little uneasy.

But still. I look at people who are married, people who've been with another person for a long time, people who can celebrate that, people who work, and I think, I want that. Not now. Not even soon. But someday.

Weird.

Comments

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I find myself being critical of this sort of thing lately. I mean, I pity people stuck in these relationships, but I find it mighty interesting that heterosexuality is the thing in our culture, and yet, due to the same stereotypes and ideas that say "heterosexual is the way to be", people are convinced they will never understand the "opposite sex" or whatever, and enter into these venomous relationships thinking that's the way things are.

It's also hilarious that heterosexual marriage is held up as "traditional" and sacred . . . and yet gender stereotypes have so perverted the balance between female and male as to produce this battle of the sexes thing . . . which means a whole lot of, well, not sacred marriages at all. But just sad and dysfunctional. They are culturally condoned battlegrounds and monuments to fallen, I guess.

I hope that makes sense. Don't get me wrong. I've seen straight marriages that work, really work, and require no quashing of anyone on the basis of expectations on their gender. But then, I was raised in a traditional household and lots of my family is still pretty traditional. Not close-minded. But they just never had to question a lot of things and never thought anything of basically repeating a watered down, slightly more updated version of what their parents, or grandparents did, marriage and family wise. (Meaning: women have made progress, yeah, but they still are the ones doing most of the household chores or cleaning up after their husbands. Little things. Like my griping about how Football Sundays work.)

I can't say, though, that my version will be much different. Except for the whole FTM dude married to the other dude and adopting kids part. And hopefully the non-friction I feel when I am with someone of the same gender. I am relieved that I understand I get a choice in what I accept or don't accept in a relationship, especially marriage. And I am relieved and hopeful that I will find someone who regards me as his equal and does halvses on most everything (unless we agree otherwise). Maybe I will find someone who gets it, or end up with someone who needs a little work to understand (well, the gender thing is a bit of a loop de loop sometimes). But guess I am just relieved I don't have to do it with a straight guy. For some reason, most straight dudes are the most resistant and most retrograde to these kinds of things in my experience. And not because they are bad people, or even sexist. They just don't want to have to dwell on it, I guess. My own brother is a bit of a putz about cleaning up after himself, and acts like I'm a nag if I just say: uh, pick up your towel, dude.

In short: I discovered I hated being in straight relationships with clueless straight men with a burning, fiery passion.

And now I will drink tea. Because tea makes everything better.

Anyways.

What do you think made you change your mind on all this?

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

We don't have Football Sundays here, but we do have All-Dude Hockey Games. Beer is involved. :/

Tea makes everything better, this is true.

I'm not sure what made me change my mind, other than... well. Part of the reason why I didn't think I'd ever get married was that I didn't think I was wired that way, really. I thought I'd be the kind of person who'd never want to settle down or stay with one person. For all my last relationship had its moments of total fuckuperry, it did teach me that that's a possibility. It made me realize that being with one person- assuming it's the right person-makes me happy and fulfilled, and that that's what I want. It made me realize that I like stability.

I remember I was at my cousin's wedding two years ago and thinking, Yes. She and her husband make a good pair. They love the shit out of each other and they work well together and they're equals in their marriage and that is what I want. No Football Sundays, no matching towels, no fighting over what her mother said about me last Christmas- just love and commitment and arguing over who's turn it is to do the dishes.

That's pretty much it, really.