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ishyfaceOnce upon a time, I opened up my backpack in search of something to cure my cramps. Lo and behold, there were two yellow pills clinging to the lining inside! Pills! I thought happily, gulping them down. Surely these will cure all that ails me!
I was right. But not for the reason I thought I was
After taking them I felt my body gradually start to simultaneously float and sink. I was tilty, giddy, a little euphoric. I leaned back into the living room couch, wondering if I'd fall out the bottom and hit my bum on the floor. I giggled. It was a funny mental image.
"Bunny," I slurred as Amy entered the room- talking was a bit difficult, as my tongue seemed to have turned into a mass of cotton candy- "I think there's something wrong with those pills you gave me."
She gave me a long, stange look. "I didn't give you any pills, hon," she said, and then: "Oh, God, what did you take?"
The little yellow pills I had so blithely swallowed were, in fact, menstrual tablets from my bathroom cabinet. And they were past their expiry date. By a couple of years.
There were ten or so pills left in the bottle in the bathroom. After I came down- which took a few hours- Amy and I decided to savour every last one. (This seems like a sort of stupid idea in hindsight, as they could maybe have exploded our spleens or something, but you have to remember that they got us very, very high and we were college students.) We took them before family gatherings to liven things up a little. We took them at bedtime to make sleep more interesting. We took them while drinking and good Lord that was a time. (Messy, but a time.) The expired menstrual tablets made us feel loose, happy, relaxed, buzzed, and fucked beyond belief.
"Imma liddul inkyheerent ri' now," I informed a friend at a party while pleasantly tripping balls.* Yes you were, Elliott. Yes you were.
We no longer have the expired menstrual tablets. This is probably good, as I feel as though I might take them before wok or something and my life would descend into farce.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Amy says that the pills mentioned in the first paragraph and the menstrual tablets were actually two separate things. This weirds me out, as it makes it seem like I habitually have freaky pills stuffed into my backpack. Also it derails the narrative. So I'm keeping it as is. She would also like to add that if anyone wants to hear the true story of the menstrual tablets, as opposed to my PACK OF LIES, they should ask her.
* And then, later: "I LOVE YOU, AMY. AND I LOVE THE REST OF YOU, TOO. JUST NOT IN THE SAME WAY." And then I slept on my tummy so I wouldn't die. The end.
I was right. But not for the reason I thought I was
After taking them I felt my body gradually start to simultaneously float and sink. I was tilty, giddy, a little euphoric. I leaned back into the living room couch, wondering if I'd fall out the bottom and hit my bum on the floor. I giggled. It was a funny mental image.
"Bunny," I slurred as Amy entered the room- talking was a bit difficult, as my tongue seemed to have turned into a mass of cotton candy- "I think there's something wrong with those pills you gave me."
She gave me a long, stange look. "I didn't give you any pills, hon," she said, and then: "Oh, God, what did you take?"
The little yellow pills I had so blithely swallowed were, in fact, menstrual tablets from my bathroom cabinet. And they were past their expiry date. By a couple of years.
There were ten or so pills left in the bottle in the bathroom. After I came down- which took a few hours- Amy and I decided to savour every last one. (This seems like a sort of stupid idea in hindsight, as they could maybe have exploded our spleens or something, but you have to remember that they got us very, very high and we were college students.) We took them before family gatherings to liven things up a little. We took them at bedtime to make sleep more interesting. We took them while drinking and good Lord that was a time. (Messy, but a time.) The expired menstrual tablets made us feel loose, happy, relaxed, buzzed, and fucked beyond belief.
"Imma liddul inkyheerent ri' now," I informed a friend at a party while pleasantly tripping balls.* Yes you were, Elliott. Yes you were.
We no longer have the expired menstrual tablets. This is probably good, as I feel as though I might take them before wok or something and my life would descend into farce.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Amy says that the pills mentioned in the first paragraph and the menstrual tablets were actually two separate things. This weirds me out, as it makes it seem like I habitually have freaky pills stuffed into my backpack. Also it derails the narrative. So I'm keeping it as is. She would also like to add that if anyone wants to hear the true story of the menstrual tablets, as opposed to my PACK OF LIES, they should ask her.
* And then, later: "I LOVE YOU, AMY. AND I LOVE THE REST OF YOU, TOO. JUST NOT IN THE SAME WAY." And then I slept on my tummy so I wouldn't die. The end.
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no subject
on 2012-04-24 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
on 2012-04-24 12:56 am (UTC)...Will it make me fret?
no subject
on 2012-04-24 03:35 am (UTC)El came home and told me, in a weird, loopy state (I'd either come from work or from school and was unaccustomed to such oddness), that ze'd taken "those pills I'd put in hir backpack."
To this I say, "Bwuh? What do you mean?"
"Oh, you know, those little pills you put in my backpack!"
"...Loose?"
"Yeah!"
"Baby, I didn't put any loose pills in your backpack. What are you even saying?"
Ze'd taken some random-ass pills that ze found in hir backpack. I have no idea how they got there! But ze was having menstrual cramps, so I gave some legitimate menstrual tablets to ze. However, and here is where Amy is bad, but I apparently handed ze expired menstrual tablets.
...Annnnnd when ze told me of the amazing time on the tablets, I took some as well, because Lord Almighty, I love me some drugs.