but it don't mean a thing
Mar. 16th, 2016 04:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ishyfaceIt's been a while since I did a life update!
Christmas happened! It was the first one I've spent with my famdamily in general since 2012, and the first one I've spent with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
withoutawhy since 2010. I made a bunch of vegan treats for my younger sister, and we all watched The Fifth Element on Christmas Eve (it is a premium Christmas movie and I will straight up fight anyone who says different). It was super fun, and I got to see Bean (AKA the best baby ever invented) for the second time. SPOILER: She continues to be the best.
New Year's Eve happened! It was a very pretty night.
My friend Simon, who knows literally everyone in the universe because he is pathologically extroverted, invited me and BFF to a private party in a theatre downtown. There were topless waitresses and free drinks and people in angel wings and a woman in the corner who painted people's faces with glitter. (I ended up with a sparkly silver forehead- not particularly interesting design-wise, but hey, it was shiny!) It was the kind of party I always imagined going to as a Cool Hip Adult. Good times were had, beer was drunk, and I ended up having a long, involved, intoxicated conversation outside with someone whose name I don't know about something I can't remember. Here is a picture of William and I, being drunk and making inexplicable faces!
Unfortunately, there was a Strange Mental Health Incident later that night, the first bad one I've had in a while, all tied up with half-repressed memories and bad feelings and et ceteras. But overall it was a very fun night! And the Incident happened in private and not in the middle of the party, and really, sometimes that's all you can ask for.
A tattoo happened! RIB TATTOOS ARE SUPER PAINFUL, in case you didn't know! I don't have a clear picture of the end product right now- maybe I'll try for one later- but it is beautiful and I am very pleased with it. But I am never getting a rib tattoo again.
Work happened! And continues to happen. I went in for that job interview for the permanent Office Job position in mid-January and... well, completely muffed it, frankly. I have never been a very good interviewee, and in this case there were a) three interviewers, b) two of whom I already knew (which made it worse somehow). My supervisor actually said, when she told me I hadn't gotten it, that it was because of how poorly I performed in the interview- she knew I was qualified and could do the job, but had to pass based on the fact that I stammered and lost my train of thought and totally blanked on behavioural questions, even though I knew what the answers were because I was already doing the job. I appreciated her honesty, but holy damn, that was hard to hear.
I'm still at Office Job until the end of March, just helping to transition things over to the new hire. Honestly, there isn't a lot of work left for me to do here, so I am spending a lot of time on the Internet and writing a lot of nonsense in my email drafts. I'm not complaining about this, as there are worse things to be paid for, but I will be glad when my contract is up and I get to work somewhere that has. You know. Things for me to do.
My library internship is also up in March, and I am MUCH sadder about that ending. A lot of my work there isn't "library work" per se, but it's important, and valuable, and I come away from each appointment with a sense of having done something worthwhile. Also, today my library supervisor forwarded me a message that another staff member had sent her:
I just wanted to pass along a message from one of Elliott’s 1-on-1 appointments this evening… They came to the desk because they wanted to make sure that Elliott’s supervisor knew how wonderful she was at her job. They said that their experience was excellent and that they wanted to make sure that she was acknowledged for this.
I honestly teared up when I read that. I'm gonna miss this job so much. ;____;
I had another HPL interview in February, and was second in line for the job, but ultimately it went to another candidate. Which was a little frustrating (apparently the only reason why I got passed over was that my answers were too brief), but still, it was nice to be considered! I'm going to sign back up with the temp agency in April, and keep applying for library jobs in the meantime.
Though I may take a week or so off. I haven't not had a job for any significant amount of time since about 2010, it'd be nice to have a break.
A back injury happened! In January, I went out with some friends and got very, very drunk. So drunk that when I came back home I decided that passing out on the stairs in front of my apartment for a half hour would be a swell idea! And it WAS a swell idea, literally- I busted a bunch of muscles in my lower back and they swelled something fierce. For most of February it really hurt to bend. And walk. And, like, move. I went to a walk-in clinic to see a doctor about it at one point and after three hours of waiting she looked at my back for a few minutes, poked it a little, then told me to get a massage and take Tylenol. Which, you know, not that helpful really. I hobbled around for a few weeks and came to work with a hot water bottle and now I seem to be more or less okay! But it was scary, losing that range of movement.
The upside of that whole thing is I am now actively trying to exercise and do stretches and things. Because I would really, really like to be able to use my body for as long as I'm in it!
A blog happened! Well, obviously I have this one, and my Tumblr, and my other Tumblr, and my other other Tumblr (plus some more Tumblrs). But now I have a proper WordPress blog like a real live adult! It is called The Mimsy and in it I talk a lot about nothing specific. So, yanno, if you're into that kind of thing check it out? :D?
Meds happened! I went on and off my meds all through 2015, and ultimately went cold turkey in August. This... did not work out as well as I hoped it would, because a) I was still INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE and b) it coincided with some of my worst emotional binge eating ever, meaning that I gained a lot of weight, meaning that the pesky dysphoria that comes back every so often was like "hahaha HOW ABOUT I RUIN EVERYTHING???" The Strange Mental Health Incident on New Year's Eve kind of cinched it for me, and I went back on Wellbutrin (300mg a day, one pill) the day after Valentine's Day. Which I guess is appropriate! Or possibly ironic.
Adjusting to meds is always a time and a half. This go-around wasn't as hard for me as other times have been- no suicidal ideation, or at least no more than usual- but the sudden transition from "I want to do nothing but sleep and eat Cheetos" to "holy SHIT I am AWAKE and ALIVE and LET'S DO STUFF and WAIT DON'T TALK TO ME IT LITERALLY MAKES ME SEETHE WITH UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE also ARE WE REALLY SURE THAT FOOD IS NECESSARY THAT SEEMS FAKE" was a doggone trip. Plus insomnia! One night I decided to completely forgo sleeping in favour of taking numerous slightly manic selfies of myself. Not a great choice, but the other option my brain was giving me was "GO TO A BAR AND PUNCH SOMEONE."
Things have evened out a little more now, though the insomnia is still a bit of a bugger. Also, I have lost a fair bit of weight, which means that a) my dysphoria is chilling out a little bit and b) my cheekbones are actually semi-visible again. Both nice things! Though I need to carefully monitor exactly how excited I am about that, because I know how easy it is to allow the appetite suppressant aspects of Wellbutrin to contribute to disordered eating.
Writing happened! Slash is in the process of happening. Not sure if I am currently producing anything that is not wholly shitty, but whatever, it's happening. Keeping my fingers crossed there.
Movies happened! I've seen more films in the past few months than I have in a while, namely: Hail, Caesar! (hilarious and very well done, though a little too self-congratulatory), Boy in the World (absolutely lovely, with some amazing backgrounds), The Witch (honestly not as good as I expected, for reasons that I talk about on my blog), Zootopia (don't even talk to me about how annoyed I am about the sloth thing). Also Ant-Man, which I did not see in theatres but on Netflix, and which was just as irritating as I suspected it would be. WHY DID PAUL RUDD AND EVANGELINE LILLY HAVE TO KISS. THERE WAS LITERALLY NO REASON. NONE.
A separation is in the process of happening! Anyone who's followed this blog for any amount of time will probably recall that my parents have a shitty, stupid marriage that should have ended decades ago. There have been many attempts at ending it, none of which have panned out, and I kind of became numb to the whole thing years ago.
But! My mother is now actively looking for an apartment for her and my youngest sister to share once the lease on the apartment they share with my dad is up, and is very adamant that this is A Thing that is Definitely Going To Happen! Which, she's been adamant about that before, but never to the point that she actually starts apartment hunting or looking for furniture or anything, so I am cautiously optimistic that it may actually come to pass this time around. Not SUPER optimistic, though. The Diet Coke of optimistic.
Party times happened! Last Saturday I went to a board game party full of people I didn't know very well and I neither died nor fled the scene. This is a remarkable achievement, I think. I'm still crap at board games, though.
A body positivity board happened! I was not involved with this in any way, but someone left it in the women's washroom at Office Job and it gave me the warm fuzzies.
Christmas happened! It was the first one I've spent with my famdamily in general since 2012, and the first one I've spent with
withoutawhy since 2010. I made a bunch of vegan treats for my younger sister, and we all watched The Fifth Element on Christmas Eve (it is a premium Christmas movie and I will straight up fight anyone who says different). It was super fun, and I got to see Bean (AKA the best baby ever invented) for the second time. SPOILER: She continues to be the best.New Year's Eve happened! It was a very pretty night.
My friend Simon, who knows literally everyone in the universe because he is pathologically extroverted, invited me and BFF to a private party in a theatre downtown. There were topless waitresses and free drinks and people in angel wings and a woman in the corner who painted people's faces with glitter. (I ended up with a sparkly silver forehead- not particularly interesting design-wise, but hey, it was shiny!) It was the kind of party I always imagined going to as a Cool Hip Adult. Good times were had, beer was drunk, and I ended up having a long, involved, intoxicated conversation outside with someone whose name I don't know about something I can't remember. Here is a picture of William and I, being drunk and making inexplicable faces!
Unfortunately, there was a Strange Mental Health Incident later that night, the first bad one I've had in a while, all tied up with half-repressed memories and bad feelings and et ceteras. But overall it was a very fun night! And the Incident happened in private and not in the middle of the party, and really, sometimes that's all you can ask for.
A tattoo happened! RIB TATTOOS ARE SUPER PAINFUL, in case you didn't know! I don't have a clear picture of the end product right now- maybe I'll try for one later- but it is beautiful and I am very pleased with it. But I am never getting a rib tattoo again.
Work happened! And continues to happen. I went in for that job interview for the permanent Office Job position in mid-January and... well, completely muffed it, frankly. I have never been a very good interviewee, and in this case there were a) three interviewers, b) two of whom I already knew (which made it worse somehow). My supervisor actually said, when she told me I hadn't gotten it, that it was because of how poorly I performed in the interview- she knew I was qualified and could do the job, but had to pass based on the fact that I stammered and lost my train of thought and totally blanked on behavioural questions, even though I knew what the answers were because I was already doing the job. I appreciated her honesty, but holy damn, that was hard to hear.
I'm still at Office Job until the end of March, just helping to transition things over to the new hire. Honestly, there isn't a lot of work left for me to do here, so I am spending a lot of time on the Internet and writing a lot of nonsense in my email drafts. I'm not complaining about this, as there are worse things to be paid for, but I will be glad when my contract is up and I get to work somewhere that has. You know. Things for me to do.
My library internship is also up in March, and I am MUCH sadder about that ending. A lot of my work there isn't "library work" per se, but it's important, and valuable, and I come away from each appointment with a sense of having done something worthwhile. Also, today my library supervisor forwarded me a message that another staff member had sent her:
I just wanted to pass along a message from one of Elliott’s 1-on-1 appointments this evening… They came to the desk because they wanted to make sure that Elliott’s supervisor knew how wonderful she was at her job. They said that their experience was excellent and that they wanted to make sure that she was acknowledged for this.
I honestly teared up when I read that. I'm gonna miss this job so much. ;____;
I had another HPL interview in February, and was second in line for the job, but ultimately it went to another candidate. Which was a little frustrating (apparently the only reason why I got passed over was that my answers were too brief), but still, it was nice to be considered! I'm going to sign back up with the temp agency in April, and keep applying for library jobs in the meantime.
Though I may take a week or so off. I haven't not had a job for any significant amount of time since about 2010, it'd be nice to have a break.
A back injury happened! In January, I went out with some friends and got very, very drunk. So drunk that when I came back home I decided that passing out on the stairs in front of my apartment for a half hour would be a swell idea! And it WAS a swell idea, literally- I busted a bunch of muscles in my lower back and they swelled something fierce. For most of February it really hurt to bend. And walk. And, like, move. I went to a walk-in clinic to see a doctor about it at one point and after three hours of waiting she looked at my back for a few minutes, poked it a little, then told me to get a massage and take Tylenol. Which, you know, not that helpful really. I hobbled around for a few weeks and came to work with a hot water bottle and now I seem to be more or less okay! But it was scary, losing that range of movement.
The upside of that whole thing is I am now actively trying to exercise and do stretches and things. Because I would really, really like to be able to use my body for as long as I'm in it!
A blog happened! Well, obviously I have this one, and my Tumblr, and my other Tumblr, and my other other Tumblr (plus some more Tumblrs). But now I have a proper WordPress blog like a real live adult! It is called The Mimsy and in it I talk a lot about nothing specific. So, yanno, if you're into that kind of thing check it out? :D?
Meds happened! I went on and off my meds all through 2015, and ultimately went cold turkey in August. This... did not work out as well as I hoped it would, because a) I was still INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE and b) it coincided with some of my worst emotional binge eating ever, meaning that I gained a lot of weight, meaning that the pesky dysphoria that comes back every so often was like "hahaha HOW ABOUT I RUIN EVERYTHING???" The Strange Mental Health Incident on New Year's Eve kind of cinched it for me, and I went back on Wellbutrin (300mg a day, one pill) the day after Valentine's Day. Which I guess is appropriate! Or possibly ironic.
Adjusting to meds is always a time and a half. This go-around wasn't as hard for me as other times have been- no suicidal ideation, or at least no more than usual- but the sudden transition from "I want to do nothing but sleep and eat Cheetos" to "holy SHIT I am AWAKE and ALIVE and LET'S DO STUFF and WAIT DON'T TALK TO ME IT LITERALLY MAKES ME SEETHE WITH UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE also ARE WE REALLY SURE THAT FOOD IS NECESSARY THAT SEEMS FAKE" was a doggone trip. Plus insomnia! One night I decided to completely forgo sleeping in favour of taking numerous slightly manic selfies of myself. Not a great choice, but the other option my brain was giving me was "GO TO A BAR AND PUNCH SOMEONE."
Things have evened out a little more now, though the insomnia is still a bit of a bugger. Also, I have lost a fair bit of weight, which means that a) my dysphoria is chilling out a little bit and b) my cheekbones are actually semi-visible again. Both nice things! Though I need to carefully monitor exactly how excited I am about that, because I know how easy it is to allow the appetite suppressant aspects of Wellbutrin to contribute to disordered eating.
Writing happened! Slash is in the process of happening. Not sure if I am currently producing anything that is not wholly shitty, but whatever, it's happening. Keeping my fingers crossed there.
Movies happened! I've seen more films in the past few months than I have in a while, namely: Hail, Caesar! (hilarious and very well done, though a little too self-congratulatory), Boy in the World (absolutely lovely, with some amazing backgrounds), The Witch (honestly not as good as I expected, for reasons that I talk about on my blog), Zootopia (don't even talk to me about how annoyed I am about the sloth thing). Also Ant-Man, which I did not see in theatres but on Netflix, and which was just as irritating as I suspected it would be. WHY DID PAUL RUDD AND EVANGELINE LILLY HAVE TO KISS. THERE WAS LITERALLY NO REASON. NONE.
A separation is in the process of happening! Anyone who's followed this blog for any amount of time will probably recall that my parents have a shitty, stupid marriage that should have ended decades ago. There have been many attempts at ending it, none of which have panned out, and I kind of became numb to the whole thing years ago.
But! My mother is now actively looking for an apartment for her and my youngest sister to share once the lease on the apartment they share with my dad is up, and is very adamant that this is A Thing that is Definitely Going To Happen! Which, she's been adamant about that before, but never to the point that she actually starts apartment hunting or looking for furniture or anything, so I am cautiously optimistic that it may actually come to pass this time around. Not SUPER optimistic, though. The Diet Coke of optimistic.
Party times happened! Last Saturday I went to a board game party full of people I didn't know very well and I neither died nor fled the scene. This is a remarkable achievement, I think. I'm still crap at board games, though.
A body positivity board happened! I was not involved with this in any way, but someone left it in the women's washroom at Office Job and it gave me the warm fuzzies.