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Jun. 19th, 2005 12:41 amTonight at work I heard someone call for ABBA over the PA.
See, the funny part is you probably think I'm joking.
See, the funny part is you probably think I'm joking.
Jun. 19th, 2005
I am a jealous person. I've come to realize this.
I'm not jealous of other people, generally speaking. Not of what they have, anyway. And I'm not jealous when it comes to people that I love, or things that I own.
What I am jealous of are things that I love.
Example: this time last year I was into a band called Brand New (from New Jersey, I think). They were one of the few bands I liked that people on my side of the ocean liked as well, so they were getting airplay and their videos were on fairly heavy rotation. And while that was cool in a lot of ways- it was the first time I'd been able to turn on the TV and hear a song that I actually liked on a regular basis- it also put me on edge. I was waiting uneasily for someone to fuck it up, for the wrong people to get into it.
"Wrong people." That's very snobbish of me- I don't pretend that it isn't. But when you hear the assholes who made fun of you in middle school play The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, you get upset, because dammit, on some level that's YOURS. Not the song itself, or the book itself, or the film itself, but the emotions you associate with it. It's awful to look at someone who used to make you cry at lunch hours and think "Does that make them feel the way I feel? Do they see the same things that I do? Do they think it's about what I think it's about?" And who the fuck wants to think about that? (Yeah, I know that bullies have feelings too- but frankly, unless they're getting the shit kicked out of them too, I don't really care much.)
I had the same reaction when I heard people in my Art class talk about Waking Life. That film is just one of the coolest things I've ever seen, and it grinds my nads that stupid people watched it and enjoyed it. Once again, it's snobbish, but the people in my Art class were a very special breed of moron. (I managed to stop myself from snarling that ignorant homophobic twats shouldn't be allowed to watch anything more intellectually challenging than The Waterboy, but only just.) I have the same reaction, too, when I hear people talk about Velvet Goldmine and say nothing beyond "OMG Ewan MacGregor kissed a guy!" While that's undeniably one of the film's high points, it has so much else to say that focusing on the boysnoggage ALONE is just... dumb.
(And yes, this IS the same kid who watched Y Tu Mama Tambien purely for the porn. I'm a very hypocritical snob, you see.)
It's not even always about people living up to some kind of standard, either. Take Niall, for example. He's a very smart guy, funny, articulate, knows exactly where his towel is. But when I found out that he liked American Gods, underneath my initial reaction of "Holy FUCK someone else in this town knows who Neil Gaiman is?", I was wary.
When you love something (or someone), you become protective. You want to keep it away from people who aren't worthy or "don't get it." And for this particular snob, that all too often translates to "anyone who is not me."
I don't like that about myself. I realize that it's both inexcusably judgmental and rude. But it's the way I am sometimes.
I'm not jealous of other people, generally speaking. Not of what they have, anyway. And I'm not jealous when it comes to people that I love, or things that I own.
What I am jealous of are things that I love.
Example: this time last year I was into a band called Brand New (from New Jersey, I think). They were one of the few bands I liked that people on my side of the ocean liked as well, so they were getting airplay and their videos were on fairly heavy rotation. And while that was cool in a lot of ways- it was the first time I'd been able to turn on the TV and hear a song that I actually liked on a regular basis- it also put me on edge. I was waiting uneasily for someone to fuck it up, for the wrong people to get into it.
"Wrong people." That's very snobbish of me- I don't pretend that it isn't. But when you hear the assholes who made fun of you in middle school play The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, you get upset, because dammit, on some level that's YOURS. Not the song itself, or the book itself, or the film itself, but the emotions you associate with it. It's awful to look at someone who used to make you cry at lunch hours and think "Does that make them feel the way I feel? Do they see the same things that I do? Do they think it's about what I think it's about?" And who the fuck wants to think about that? (Yeah, I know that bullies have feelings too- but frankly, unless they're getting the shit kicked out of them too, I don't really care much.)
I had the same reaction when I heard people in my Art class talk about Waking Life. That film is just one of the coolest things I've ever seen, and it grinds my nads that stupid people watched it and enjoyed it. Once again, it's snobbish, but the people in my Art class were a very special breed of moron. (I managed to stop myself from snarling that ignorant homophobic twats shouldn't be allowed to watch anything more intellectually challenging than The Waterboy, but only just.) I have the same reaction, too, when I hear people talk about Velvet Goldmine and say nothing beyond "OMG Ewan MacGregor kissed a guy!" While that's undeniably one of the film's high points, it has so much else to say that focusing on the boysnoggage ALONE is just... dumb.
(And yes, this IS the same kid who watched Y Tu Mama Tambien purely for the porn. I'm a very hypocritical snob, you see.)
It's not even always about people living up to some kind of standard, either. Take Niall, for example. He's a very smart guy, funny, articulate, knows exactly where his towel is. But when I found out that he liked American Gods, underneath my initial reaction of "Holy FUCK someone else in this town knows who Neil Gaiman is?", I was wary.
When you love something (or someone), you become protective. You want to keep it away from people who aren't worthy or "don't get it." And for this particular snob, that all too often translates to "anyone who is not me."
I don't like that about myself. I realize that it's both inexcusably judgmental and rude. But it's the way I am sometimes.