the thirty day meme, day ten

[ishyface]

Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite television programme
Day 04 → Your favorite book
Day 05 → Your favorite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy



This is a detail from a larger portrait of all the cousins on my mother's side of the family, done while we were visiting them in England for Christmas. I am four years old, plus a couple of months, and have apparently already decided to make my reputation as "the dopey-looking one" in any given group of people. The one in the matching dress next to me is withoutawhy. (We aren't twins, but our mother dressed us the same until we got old enough to protest.) What I remember most about that visit: double decker buses, the smell of vodka and cigarettes, watching an old man put a ship in a bottle, splitting open my chin on my nana's television set, the Beatles museum.

Comments

[uncommon-crow.livejournal.com]

Tiny!Gee+Weakerthans=WIN.

Is it odd that I find pics of you in girl-mode (as distinct from femme'd-up) to be slightly disconcerting?

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

That song makes me cry every time I hear it. True story!

I don't think that's odd, really- the reality of my upbringing as a GIRL GIRL GIRL YOU ARE A GIRL WHO WEARS GIRL CLOTHES AND DOES GIRL THINGS in comparison with my identity and presentation now is pretty jarring. I think the difference now is that when I present as femme it is a conscious choice on my part, whereas as a kid it... was to an extent- I usually didn't have to wear things I absolutely hated- but I was influenced more by what I knew I was supposed to look/act/be like, as a GIRL GIRL GIRL CHECK IT OUT THIS KID'S A GIRL U GUIS. Also, my current version of "femme" is pretty genderfucky!

[uncommon-crow.livejournal.com]

I was influenced more by what I knew I was supposed to look/act/be like

*nods* Me too. (I mean, I was allowed and even encouraged to do a lot of things that weren't GIRL THINGS, but that was because girls were supposed to be able to do things like use tools and build things if they wanted, not because I wasn't a girl. If some kind soul had sat me down at the age of six or seven and said 'Hey, darlin', what you have between your legs has nothing to do with whether you're a boy or a girl; you get to say who you are and nobody can tell you any different', things would have been way different.)

Seeing pics of you in girl mode is sort of bizarre. I can't picture you as a girl (and have never been able to do such), so it's a bit like seeing one of those photoshopped dinner parties with Jaques Cartier, Peter Sellers and Winston Churchill sitting at the same table; no matter how slick the editing is, it still doesn't convince me.

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

I'm sure if you asked my mother she'd be quite adamant that she always encouraged me to do whatever interested me regardless of whether or not it was a GIRL THING (which is a kind of ridiculous concept in and of itself but whatever), but in practice I was always interested in things that were either gender neutral or skewed towards the GIRL GIRL GIRLETTY GIRL ideal as a kid, so that never really got tried out. And I still do like those things! I like a lot of shit that is coded as feminine- more now than ever, really, because I've been exploring the femme part of my genderqueerness more and more lately- but that doesn't mean I'm a girl. And if I was, liking that shit wouldn't *prove* I was either. For me that kind of stuff is all pretty much entirely separate. My femme-days and my shelf full of scented shower products and my love of 10 Things I Hate About You says fuck all about my gender.

Which is something that some people cannot get. Even my mum- and I love her, she's fantastic, but Does Not Get a lot of stuff- thinks that since I now look approximately like what she thinks a girl should look like, I have given up on all my gender stuff and am prepared to be Normal. Which... no.

... do those pictures actually exist? BECAUSE I WANT ONE.

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, just realized something. See that skinny blue thing running from my right shoulder? That is the strap of a purse.

GIRL GIRL GIRL IN CASE ANYONE IS INTERESTED THIS CHILD IS A GIRL WHO LIKES THINGS FOR GIRLS SUCH AS PURSES.

[uncommon-crow.livejournal.com]

*looks again, making disbelieving noises* I shall have to inform a few of my male friends that their purses must be re-named in the interests of maintaining the status quo of MEN=FROM MARS, WOMEN=FROM VENUS.

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

CARRYING A PURSE = AUTOMATIC LOSS OF ALL MAN POINTS. ACTUALLY, EVEN *LOOKING* AT PURSES COSTS YOU A FAIR FEW.

[spikey-kris.livejournal.com]

As a baby my mother dressed me in over-alls and baby sized work boots and all sorts of cool little things that made people look at me twice. She got away with it because I had curly hair in pig tails, so they knew I was a little girl.

Then when I got a little older and the 80's kicked in full force and it was hip to read "Parents" magazine and dress your little girl in UBER FRILLY dresses, she didn't understand why I would holler and protest until I was put back in pants.

Then throughout my pre-teen years all my clothes were hand me downs from my male cousin. Mostly little league tees and thins emblazoned with the LA Kings, Chicago Bulls or Toronto Blue Jays logos. I didn't even own a pair of girls jeans until 10th grade when I had to say "look parents, as it turns out I've developed somewhat and I have hips which are not cool with the whole pants situation happening right now."

My whole gender identity fashion wise was a complete fuck around.

And as for parents dressing their children the same, there are 8 and a half loooong years between my sister and I, yet there are still photos of us floating around out there where we are dressed the same. Seriously, how hard did my mother have to look to find the same outfit for a 4 and a 12 year old???

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a pretty big age gap for identical outfits. Your mother must have been a very resourceful lady.

I kept on wearing lots and lots of dresses until I hit middle school, at which point I started reading Tamora Pierce and was all NO MORE DRESSES FOR ME THEY ARE DUMB PANTS ONLY PLZ. Unfortunately, I had yet to start wearing jeans, so for about a year and a half there I wore only Spandex leggings (in fluorescent colours!) and oversized men's shirts. Since this was in the middle of my butterball phase, it looked exactly as horrifying as you'd think.

[spikey-kris.livejournal.com]

OH EM GEE... Fluorescent leggings and oversized t shirts... I think my psyche blocked that shit out... That was pretty much all of 4-7th grade for me (Yah, 7th grade, I was awkward as fuck for all of junior high, i went from leggings to coloured jeans. Seriously, green, burgundy, brown, I had coloured jeans and I wore them on a REGULAR ROTATION. This is why no one has ever said "Oh Kris, you're so cool" to me...)

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

... Coloured jeans aren't cool? D:

[unpunished.livejournal.com]

That is a really awesome and cute photo!

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am still confused as to why I had to remove my shoes, though.