welcome to downtown coolsville

I just realized that I haven't commented yet on the current political situation in Canada. (Which is where I live, just for the record.)

For those who don't know and don't want to bother clicking the link, here's the skinny: the Conservatives currently have a minority government, which means that they were voted in by less than 50%. [Edit: To be more, um, true, it means they have the most MPs but not enough to make 50%. Thanks, six_crazy_guys!] This has made a lot of people very angry and is generally considered to be a bad move. Such a bad move, in fact, that the Liberals (a centrist party) and the NDP (New Democratic Party, further to the left) have decided they are going to form a coalition (with the approval of the Bloc Quebecois, which is basically a separatist-but-not-really-all-that-angry-about-it-anymore party from Quebec- yes, Canada has a lot of parties, and they get way weirder*) and bring down the Harper government. (Which, despite Harper's protests to the contrary, is legal.) They would do this with a confidence vote, which is basically a Parliamentary way of saying "OH NO YOU DI'INT" real, real loud, except awesome.

Got that? I might have gotten some stuff wrong- if I have I'm sure montrealais will school me. He's knowledgeable like that.

Many people are pretty upset about this proposed coalition, because of the economic crisis and because we just had an election and because a lot of (anglophone) Canadians are worried that if the Bloc Quebecois has too much veto power they will turn us all into baguettes or something. I, however, am not! Here's why:

1) I am an NDP supporter. Have been since I was a wee!Ish. Under this coalition agreement they would hold 25% of the spots in cabinet. This would make it one of the most progressive cabinets in... well, ever.

2) Stephen Harper is an evil, evil man. I don't use the word "evil" lightly- actually that's a lie, I use it all the time, but that doesn't mean it's not true in this case. He is staunchly anti-immigration rights, has voted against pro-queer legislation (and lied about it afterward), including the legalization of gay marriage, was real, real cozy with George W. Bush, has cut funding to arts programs and women's shelters. He was one of the founding members of this party. My ex-Political Science teacher referred to him only as "that awful man." HE IS NOT A GOOD DUDE. He has fucked this country over and over again and it is high time he got the boot.

3) OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT. \m/

The End!

* The Natural Law Party is still my favourite.

The fun thing about being genderqueer is that you just can't win for losing sometimes.

Lately I've been trying out a different aesthetic. Girl-cut shirts, eyeliner, skinny jeans, femmey stuff like that. And while I like it, and while I think it looks fucking nifty, I don't like the baggage that goes along with it.

Part of the reason why I've always gone for baggier clothes is because it hides my shape. I'm a pretty curvy person and a lot of times that bothers me- it's harder to pass when you've got child-bearing hips, and even though a lot of the time I don't pass anyway it's still nice to have that extra bit of security. For the past few years I've mostly bought things a couple of sizes too big for me because of that. Now that I'm getting into more form-fitting stuff that's not really an option. People can tell what my assigned sex is, and they treat me differently because of it.

It's the little things you notice. When you pass for a guy- or even just for a very butch girl- people do not maintain eye contact as long. They do not hold doors open or try to strike up conversations on the bus as often. They don't call you by pet names, and they don't ask if you need to be walked to your car. Masculinity gives you a kind of impenetrability, and I mean that in as many senses of the word as you like. Masculinity means that people assume you can take care of yourself, that no one will fuck (with) you. It means that you can move freely and that people won't ask as many questions. This, I suppose, is part of what they call male privilege.

The first time I noticed a difference was in the summer. I'd been playing around with eye makeup that morning and was wearing a pink shirt, and I went downtown for some reason or other. After an hour or two I went into a pizza place to get some lunch, and the guy at the counter smiled at me and called me "sweetie."

I'd been going to that pizza place for about four years, and that guy had been working there the whole time. He'd never "sweetie'd" me before. Never smiled. It was weird.

It's the little things you notice. People rushing to hold a door for you. A casual "honey" from someone who's known you five minutes. Profs passing you over in class. Questions about boys- which ones are cute, which ones are nice, which ones you're dating (and if not, why not?). People telling you that you "look nice"- not because you actually do, but because you look more like what they think you should look like. People assuming that you want to talk to them, or sit with them, or fuck them, because it's not like you're doing anything better with your time, right? People explaining things to you. Femininity opens you up in that way- or, rather, it lets people assume that you are opened up. Emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever, you're available and convenient and you'd damn well better be grateful, too.

It's all because of a few pieces of clothing and a stick of fucking kohl, and it pisses me off.

My biology is incidental to my personhood. I'm not a different person because I've got two X chromosomes instead of a Y; wearing eyeliner and skinny jeans doesn't make me a girl, any more than it makes fucking Pete Wentz a girl. It shouldn't carry so many gendered connotations. There's nothing female about makeup (the Celts agree) or tight pants (hey there, Shakespeare) or the colour pink (the "proper" colour for boy's clothing until very recently). There's nothing male about them, either. They're just things. That's all.

But people pounce on them and make judgments and decide based on their own preconceptions and insecurities whether you're a boy or a girl (and God help you if they can't decide). And THEN they decide how they should react to you, not in spite of gender but because of it. It's stupid, and it's fucked up, and I don't like it.

My identity's complicated. I'm not a boy (except for when I am), I'm not a girl (except for when I am), I'm not really both or a mixture or something in between (except for when I am). I'm Gerald.

I wish there was some way I could get that across without having to conform to a fucking dress code.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. It's possibly because I watched Velvet Goldmine and found myself longing for an era, however brief, when sexual ambiguity and gender bending were actually cool. Or it could be because I watched Velvet Goldmine and rediscovered my little boy crush on Ewan McGregor. Either way, I feel the need to get this off my spindly little shoulders.

( This is long. Very long, in fact. )

( And a complimentary comic about David Bowie. For giggles. )

* Unless you are a member of boy_touching or go to the same parties I do.

** Or the people who say that the existence of the aforementioned knuckle-draggers means that queer women are accepted by the mainstream. That is not acceptance, people, that is objectifying ickiness. Kind of like how a bird is not a cat.

*** Seriously, what high school did these people go to? More importantly, why couldn't I have gone too?

**** Or Tim Curry in fishnets, because the man's got a killer pair of legs.