welcome to downtown coolsville

Remember that noise the blender makes right before you go to sleep tonight. It will be a fun and groovy time.

Today I was thinking about the stories I told myself when I was a kid.

I used to get bored all the time. This is a constant hazard when you are a child with an overactive imagination, I think- the world as it is inside your head is so full of ADVENTURES and WHAT-IFS and EXCITING THINGS that the world outside your head can never quite measure up. My brain was populated with dragons, orphaned princesses, space aliens, sentient rocks, telekinetic harpies, and murderous duchesses with multicoloured tentacles instead of hair, and frankly, venturing outside of it to live in real time was boring. So I used to have these storylines running in my head whenever I did boring stuff, like a movie you put on in the background while you clean your room. One particularly dull day spent with my least favourite aunt and cousins saw me staging an elaborate dungeon breakout, negotiating with a mob of angry ghosts, and crowning myself leader of an itinerant wolf pack, all without leaving my seat in the back of my aunt's minivan. I think maybe they wondered why my eyes periodically unfocused, but they never asked any questions.

The first character I ever remember making up was a girl named Aurora, who I started telling stories to myself about in second grade. She was a princess who lived above the clouds in a ~magical sky kingdom and had a pet unicorn and was betrothed to a super handsome dude who looked kind of like Tuxedo Mask in breeches. Seriously. It was pretty much the girliest thing ever, except for the part where she and her parents were locked in an eternal war with a bunch of giant sky-rats who occasionally kidnapped Super Handsome Dude and tortured him hideously until Aurora rode in on her magical unicorn and kicked their asses. I remember being really interested in the torture parts, because seven-year-old Ish loved ponies and ruffles and sparkles and GORE. I never wrote any of these stories down- pity, I bet they were awesome- and they have mostly disappeared from my head, but I remember the basic outlines of the world. Rainbows! Sunshine! EVERYBODY DIES.

Oh, and also I gave this Aurora chick blue hair because I read a book which featured a girl with blue hair and I thought that was just about the neatest thing in the world, further proving that I haven't really changed much since elementary school.

I was thinking about this before, and began to wonder if the book actually existed or if I'd just imagined it. So I Googled "books about blue-haired princesses" and got... surprisingly few relevant hits. Clearly this is a niche market just begging to be exploited. Eventually I found the book in question, which was written by Carol Beach York and called Good Charlotte. I took a look at some of the reviews.

Okay,I never ever read the book but I am OBSESSED with the band Good Charlotte.I only love this book because Good Charlotte named themselves after it.I will buy the book in the near future and read it.Well anyways if your a true fan of GOOD CHARLOTTE(the band) you have to buy this book.I know it has nothing to do with Good Charlotte but still buy it!!

I now know how to boost my eventual book sales with little to no effort. The next novel I write will be called Simple Plan. Y'all better buy it if your true fans!!!

Weezer is coming to St. John's on July 22nd. Hot Hot Heat are opening for them. This is pretty exciting for me, since I like HHH okay and Weezer was the soundtrack to my life in eighth grade. However, there are no floor seats left at all. And, well, I don't go to concerts to sit down in a chair and clap politely, I go to jump up and down and sing and dance badly and (if all goes well) fall down at least twice.

Oh, Rivers Cuomo. I love you a lot. But I don't know if I love you enough to sit still.

In conclusion, here is a video in which Aldous Snow teaches us all very valuable things about the letter U.

Because I saw Get Him To The Greek last week and even though it wasn't that good, and even though it suffered from all the same problems that all Apatow Etc. films suffer from, and even though it featured an unexpected rape scene that was played for laughs because the victim was a dude*, I can't get the fucking songs out of my head.

(P.S.: Happy Canada Day! I don't really celebrate Canada Day at all because while I think this country is an okay place and I'm mostly glad I live here, patriotism in general makes me uncomfortable. I hope anyone who does celebrate tonight does so in an appropriately Canadian fashion- that is, drunkenly.)


* Think Wedding Crashers, but with strippers and an enormous dildo. Yep.

I just realized that I haven't commented yet on the current political situation in Canada. (Which is where I live, just for the record.)

For those who don't know and don't want to bother clicking the link, here's the skinny: the Conservatives currently have a minority government, which means that they were voted in by less than 50%. [Edit: To be more, um, true, it means they have the most MPs but not enough to make 50%. Thanks, six_crazy_guys!] This has made a lot of people very angry and is generally considered to be a bad move. Such a bad move, in fact, that the Liberals (a centrist party) and the NDP (New Democratic Party, further to the left) have decided they are going to form a coalition (with the approval of the Bloc Quebecois, which is basically a separatist-but-not-really-all-that-angry-about-it-anymore party from Quebec- yes, Canada has a lot of parties, and they get way weirder*) and bring down the Harper government. (Which, despite Harper's protests to the contrary, is legal.) They would do this with a confidence vote, which is basically a Parliamentary way of saying "OH NO YOU DI'INT" real, real loud, except awesome.

Got that? I might have gotten some stuff wrong- if I have I'm sure montrealais will school me. He's knowledgeable like that.

Many people are pretty upset about this proposed coalition, because of the economic crisis and because we just had an election and because a lot of (anglophone) Canadians are worried that if the Bloc Quebecois has too much veto power they will turn us all into baguettes or something. I, however, am not! Here's why:

1) I am an NDP supporter. Have been since I was a wee!Ish. Under this coalition agreement they would hold 25% of the spots in cabinet. This would make it one of the most progressive cabinets in... well, ever.

2) Stephen Harper is an evil, evil man. I don't use the word "evil" lightly- actually that's a lie, I use it all the time, but that doesn't mean it's not true in this case. He is staunchly anti-immigration rights, has voted against pro-queer legislation (and lied about it afterward), including the legalization of gay marriage, was real, real cozy with George W. Bush, has cut funding to arts programs and women's shelters. He was one of the founding members of this party. My ex-Political Science teacher referred to him only as "that awful man." HE IS NOT A GOOD DUDE. He has fucked this country over and over again and it is high time he got the boot.

3) OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT. \m/

The End!

* The Natural Law Party is still my favourite.