(no subject)

[ishyface]

Know what? Early Thanksgiving dinners are made that much better if Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio right beforehand.

My parents went to church today for the first time in months. All well and good...
... except for the part where they became spiritually uplifted and decided that it'd be the perfect time to tell me that I should join a Christian youth group. After three years of me telling them that I'm not Christian and will never be Christian.
When they started pressing me about it (mostly feeding me the "how will you lead a fulfilled life if you don't believe in a higher power?" line), I told them that any church that said my friends and I are abominations in the eyes of God or that our relationships are signs of Satan's grip on the world is not going to have me in its ranks any time soon. That got to them, for a minute, and then they started talking about church reform and how I can't let that stop me from accepting my faith and ARGH.
Honestly, I didn't just split from the Catholic Church because I'm queer. That was a big part of it, but not the whole picture.
I left the Church because frankly the very idea of salvation makes my skin crawl.
Original sin. Who decided that that was a good idea? Who decided that being born was reason enough for eternal damnation? It's an idea that I reject, not because I'm trying to make some kind of rebellious statement but because it honestly bothers me. Even when I identified as Christian it bothered me, and while there are many Christian values I'm completely on board with- compassion, non-violence, brotherhood- I can't get over my intense discomfort with the idea that I need to be saved. I see myself as essentially a-religious- not atheist, but nontheist. In my mind there's a big difference.
I could try to explain this to them, but I don't think they'd understand what I mean. They'd think I was attacking Christianity, and honestly I'm not. I just can't see myself as being Christian and happy. If it works for you, fine, but in the words of Karl Marx, "It's not in my bag, baby."

I'm very lonely right now.
The fact that I won't be able to see anyone outside of school until next Sunday does not alleviate that at all. I'm working or at the doctor's just about every night this week. I hate having my time filled up like that- like every moment's already planned.
It's depressing.

Comments

[jilly-ma-bean.livejournal.com]

ive been to retreats and youth events and sometimes they are just scary, like theres major pressure to "be moved" there have been times where ive faked it for fear of being ridaculed for not being moved. i went to a youth group for almost 5 years religiously (please pardon the pun) for the most part i was there becuse i needed something to belive in, but now with the person i have become i dont like the idea, i dont want to be told what to belive i dont want all these ideas and pre-concived notions about who or what God is being shoved down my throat. I used to joke around that corys grandmother thought i was a prodistant whore, but after grade 12 i dont care anymore, i am my own person and im going to choose what i belive in, im not going to let an outdated system tell me what is morally right or wrong

[ishyface.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard good and bad things about retreats like that. Whenever anyone talks about being moved by God, the first thing that comes to mind is that book, Leaving Fishers- ever read that>

[caroline31.livejournal.com]

I read that! Fairly good book. In a creepy way.

Yeah, I'm glad I got out of all those youth events. I know exactly what you mean, Jill, with the pressure that you HAVE to be moved, you HAVE to accept Jesus into your heart and be saved, if you've already done that, well, do it again, cause we know you've sinned since then!!!

I loved Youth Forum, though. At first it terrified me cause I thought it'd be like Tidal Impact or summat, but it had all the good stuff, the music, the friendships, without any of the bad, like the people breathing down your neck to be saved, to recommit, to devote your life to Christ. UC people are so much more laid back.

Yeah, last year at camp we did this "Spiritual Worlds" quiz, sort of like true colours only with more questions and thinking about God. I am a "World One"- a hippie, in other words. I find God in nature, in experiences, in people, in music, the everyday things. And there were like 6 other "Worlds" people from my camp were. It's pretty cool how there can be so many ways to believe and to be inspired out there, even just within Christianity. And when you look at all the oter faiths out there...I kind of think we're all right. Either there are different Gods out there, or it's all the same God and we just have different ways of looking at her/him.

Religion is fascinating.