Weird.

[ishyface]

Something I realized a little while ago: I want to get married someday.

Not now. Not tomorrow. Not even soon. I'm only twenty, for God's sake, it's not like I'm in a rush. But someday. Eventually. In the, you know, very distant future.

It doesn't sound like a big, earth-shattering sort of realization when I say it like that, but it really is for me. I remember deciding rather definitely when I was younger that marriage was a silly outdated institution and I didn't want to have anything to do with it ever, and I kind of feel weird for not feeling that way anymore.

I mean, I was twelve at the time. Still.

Probably what weirds me out the most about this is that I've always kind of been snooty about the whole queer marriage thing- like people who get married, or even just want to, are cleaving to our repressive anti-sexual heterosexist capitalist patriarchal blah blah blabbity blah. Discovering that I'd actually like to partake in that represssive et cetera, coupled with the (fairly recent) discovery that I'm monosexual and monogamous, makes me worry that I'm becoming one of those dam' assimilationist queers that I used to get so het up about. (Pun intended.) I don't think I am, exactly- just because some of my personal tastes and desires happen to line up with certain social norms doesn't mean I haven't questioned those norms, or that those tastes and desires are illegitimate- but it makes me a little uneasy.

But still. I look at people who are married, people who've been with another person for a long time, people who can celebrate that, people who work, and I think, I want that. Not now. Not even soon. But someday.

Weird.

Comments

[crazykawaii.livejournal.com]

I remember feeling exactly the same way when I realized I wanted to have a baby - have it and raise it and maybe even stay home and be "occupation: mom" for awhile. (Although again, not anytime soon - I don't even want the responsibility of a kitten at the moment).

I figure, real radicalism/feminism is all about choice, and having infinite options but ultimately having absolute freedom to choose any of those options. Even and especially the "traditional" ones.

[torificus.livejournal.com]

I get the same kind of bizarre feeling about it, and I'm ... well. If I weren't irritated by labels, I'd be a textbook hetero girl who has never had any real questions about her gender or sexuality, but labels are stupid and I don't ever want to be confined by my own ideas of what I ~am.


That came out kind of pretentious. What I MEAN is that it really makes you think, how many people NEVER QUESTION social norms or just ANYTHING?

I kind of had this revelation a few years ago that, huh, I might /not/ ever want to get married (which I was totally okay with), and I definitely want to have a kid or two eventually, and now... you know, there ARE all these people out there who, in spite of statistics and baffling traditions, really genuinely do WORK. It kind of makes me stupidly happy in a way that isn't even especially OH MAN VICARIOUS JOY.



idk, I don't think I'm allowed to leave comments on anything other than CAPSLOCK EXCITED FANDOM STUPID THINGS when I am lightheaded from the gym.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

Re: questioning, etc, etc, etc...

What's all the fighting for, unless you ultimately choose your own life? What's the point of trading one set of rules about the "right" way to be for another?

[1-2-suckerpunch.livejournal.com]

I totally get that, man. :)

[sunshinesounds.livejournal.com]

I get that. :D And I remember when I was vocal about wanting to be married with childrens in women's studies last semester, and the results were less than lackluster.

[caroline31.livejournal.com]

Your mother will be so pleased.

[foucaultonacid.livejournal.com]

i accept.

shall we wear clothes or be naked in our garden together?

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

I had the same realization lately.

For years I rejected the notion of marriage as being for me. To me, seeing a lot of man/woman heterosexual marriages, I just saw how both parties could become trapped in social expectations of their gender. I thought: no fucking way.

But then sorting out my gender has made me feel really different about a lot of things. Mostly that I want to settle down with some other dude and raise kids. Not saying we won't escape some of the expectations laid upon us by our culture, nor saying it will be easy. But just saying realizing I wasn't a woman freed me to consider the option and realize, yeah, it was for me. Just not for me as a woman, I guess.

I have a lot of issues with heterocentrism right now. I am not sure what it is, except maybe I am expelling all those years of enforced heterocentrism in relationships, and the expectations laid upon me. Or the expectations I felt men imposed on me. And the expectations I took on that maybe weren't even part of the equation in the first place.

I just see some straight relationships and I think: how the hell can they be happy? They seem more at odds and borderline hateful rather than engaged in a real relationship. I am sure gay people can get in these relationships, but I've not yet seen the kind of friction and animosity that exists in same-gender couples as I have in some straight couples.

/tangenty

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Ah, but marriage has many definitions, no matter what they say--it's not just The Patriarchy! Sure, it's an economic contract, but you can CHOOSE to enter it. And it's also about two people committing to each other. Monogamy's still a viable option! It's just that we want MORE options!

Reposted with better icon, figured I might as well make it look prettier. Sorry. Trying to fix that damn LJ That's-Not-My-Icon glitch, but I am low-priority.

[uncommon-crow.livejournal.com]

Expect an e-mail soon. Also, what would you like for Midwinter/belated birthday pressies?

[gair.livejournal.com]

But what do you mean by marriage? I mean, I am going to be with gerald until one of us dies (or, according to our MASTER PLAN, until we SIMULTANEOUSLY TURN INTO TREES), and we have like wills and financial arrangements and joint accounts and powers of attorney and stuff to basically be each other's next-of-kin, but we both go ARGH ERK YUK GO 'WAY at the thought of getting married or civilly-partnered. It's the idea of being approved of by a functionary of the state that squicks me, I think - signing contracts to legally protect the way I want to live my life, fine; having a ceremony in which the state expresses its moral approval of the way I live my life, not so much. (This is just what the legal ceremony means to me, by the way - lots of my good friends are married and I don't think they did it because they wanted the moral approbation of neoliberal capitalist democracy, so it must mean something different to them...)