ishyface: (i shall never grow old)
I've recently discovered a blog called Adulting, in which an intrepid reporter gives advice on how to behave like, well, an adult. It occasionally has some advice I disagree with- no one but no one is going to take away my goddamn posters, okay? I don't CARE if it's "college-y"- and there's this weird recurring Joan Holloway idolization that weirds me out*, but it is generally a very useful resource that has taught me some interesting tidbits. (Example: did you know you can put damp sponges in the microwave to get rid of bad sponge smells? Well, now you do!)

It's made me start thinking about things I do (or would like to start doing!) that make me feel like an adult, in that happy, cozy, I-am-not-the-fuckup-I-figured-I'd-be-when-I-was-thirteen-and-thinking-about-my-impending-adulthood way. Here are some of them:

1. Making lists. I make a fuck of a lot of lists. To Do lists, grocery lists, music lists, invite lists, clothing lists, lists of names for the hypothetical children my ladyfriend and I might eventually want to have.** Lists are quick, easy, and give your life that extra organizational boost you (and I) probably need.

2. Taking out the garbage the night before garbage day. Full disclosure: I did this for the first time last night and it was AWESOME. What seems to take forever first thing in the morning takes roughly five seconds at night, and then you don't have to worry about getting up early to catch the garbage truck. \o/

3. Taking your beer bottles to be recycled. Amy and I drink a lot. This is probably not news to anyone who's seen that elbow licking video, but, yeah, we do. For the past year or so we had roughly forty boxes of empties just stacked in corners, like that unwelcome guest who is still in your living room when 4 A.M. rolls around. A few weeks ago we lugged the lot of them to the local corner store to be recycled and got a whopping eleven dollars back for our trouble.*** It was like we were being paid to clear out our kitchen.

4. Making tea in a pot. This could also be "owning a tea pot," since there are few things that make you feel as delightfully, tweely adult as owning a tea pot. Using it is even better, though! Using a tea pot to make tea means that you get tea (which is a plus because tea), and also everyone around you gets tea (which is a plus because you seem very sweet and thoughtful while enjoying your own delicious tea). There are no losers in situations involving tea pots.

5. Doing the dishes immediately after meals. Because the only alternative is rummaging in your cupboard for a bowl and slowly realizing that every single one you own is in the sink under ten thousand encrusted soup tureens.

6. Setting time aside to do housework. This is an adult thing that I was very committed to as a preteen. Every Saturday would see me meticulously tidying my room (this routine included dusting and vacuuming), scouring my hamster's cage, and cleaning the backyard. And then I would sit down and eat donuts and reread Through The Looking-Glass. True story! Now that I have a job and also friends and a life I usually can't commit the exact same day and length of time every week to cleaning, but I still try to make sure I schedule at least a little time every week.

7. Getting things tailored. This is one of those things I'd like to start doing. Due to recent weight gain I've gotten rid of a lot of clothes I actually really liked, and have only recently discovered that I could have gotten half that shit fixed to fit my new voluminous ass. Also, apparently these days they actually hem your jeans so they don't get all gross and raggedy where you step on them! SOLD.

8. Eating breakfast. I hate breakfast. Like, really fucking hate it. When I get up in the morning all I want to do is drink tea and stare blearily at my computer screen waiting for the world to make sense. However, I started eating breakfast a few months ago (because I am taking vitamins and if you take them on an empty stomach you are guaranteed a one-way ticket to Pukeville), and you know what? It makes me more alert! I have more energy! I am more cheerful and less likely to be mopey about the fact that I am up early! It is sad that it took me twenty three years to figure this out, but now I know, and breakfast is a regular occurrence for me. I may hate having to choke down a NutriBar while the rest of the world snoozes madly on, but it beats being cranky and listless all day.

9. Keeping up with the news. Another thing I'd really like to start doing (but haven't yet). Newspapers, the evening news, blogs and websites- there are a hell of a lot of ways to keep up with current events and not feel like a dumbass when people talk about them in front of you.**** Also, your Tumblr dash is not a legitimate news outlet, ELLIOTT. GOD.

10. Keeping the medicine cabinet stocked. A word to the wise: when you run out of any item in your medicine cabinet, replace it immediately. It is vey tempting to look at whatever you've run out of, think "oh, I won't need that for a long time," and promptly forget about it... until a few days later when you desperately need that thing and all local stores are closed. Think you don't need more Aspirin? Congratulations, here's a migraine. Feel like you can go a few days without Pepto-Bismol? Enjoy your heartburn! Use the last Band-Aid and blithely throw away the box? I guarantee you will lose an appendage in a meat grinder the next day. Keep your medicine cabinet full at all times and you will never find yourself walking thirty minutes to an all-night convenience store at three in the morning to buy a ten-dollar bottle of Tylenol.

What makes you feel like an adult, flist?

* It weirds me out when anyone idolizes Joan Holloway, to be honest. Yes, Joan is foxy and occasionally funny, but she is also mean as fuck and tends to lash out at the people beneath her when her life is shitty. Which is most of the time, because she is a woman in the sixties who married her rapist. If you love her clothes or her wit or whatever, fair enough, but if you want to model yourself after her, as a lot of people seem to want to do, I totally do not get your deal and think you are a little weird. I feel the same way about people who are super into Britta from Community. She is the WORST, guys, WHY DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH HER.

** My current favourite is "Matilda."

*** I then used this to buy a cheap bottle of red wine. I am nothing if not consistent.

**** Is there anything worse than that burny-face feeling you get when someone asks you a question about a current headline that you not only know nothing about, but did not even know existed? Well... yes. There are a lot of things worse than that, like genocide and famine and malaria and school shootings. It's embarrassing, is what I'm saying.
ishyface: (when silly thoughts go through my head)
Me: Wow. They're really not trying at all anymore, are they?
Amy: I'm hoping that soon they'll do a wacky episode about a Martian.
Me: And they'll have to operate on him to take the gleeborp out of his klipnards.
Amy: And then it'll turn out to be lupus.
ishyface: (in the dumps)
Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite television programme
Day 04 → Your favorite book
Day 05 → Your favorite quote

Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 3. )

Day 4. )

Day 5. )
ishyface: (fuck you)
I don't care how much trouble you have with the first person, an English lit class is not the right place to talk about how you like Dr. Who fanfiction more than actual books.*

I just... did you really just say that? Why?

* Which, apparently, are icky and hard to read.

... Really? Really?
ishyface: (feeling reckless)
Ricky: Hey, hey, hey, Foreman! Where's that big Fatso smile?
Eric: Ricky, how'd you start working at Fatso Burger?
Ricky: Great story! I was gonna go to college, but then they made me assistant manager, just threw the money at me, so I never got to go. But now I'm my own boss!
Eric: ...
Ricky: Well, that's not true. I answer to a lot of people.
Eric: ... Okay, I quit now.
Ricky: Oh, yeah, I certainly would.

Today at work I found a shirt that said "Love Smile Princess Angel Happy Fun."

... Who wears things like that? Little girls who fart rainbows and belch unicorns?

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