Weird.

[ishyface]

Something I realized a little while ago: I want to get married someday.

Not now. Not tomorrow. Not even soon. I'm only twenty, for God's sake, it's not like I'm in a rush. But someday. Eventually. In the, you know, very distant future.

It doesn't sound like a big, earth-shattering sort of realization when I say it like that, but it really is for me. I remember deciding rather definitely when I was younger that marriage was a silly outdated institution and I didn't want to have anything to do with it ever, and I kind of feel weird for not feeling that way anymore.

I mean, I was twelve at the time. Still.

Probably what weirds me out the most about this is that I've always kind of been snooty about the whole queer marriage thing- like people who get married, or even just want to, are cleaving to our repressive anti-sexual heterosexist capitalist patriarchal blah blah blabbity blah. Discovering that I'd actually like to partake in that represssive et cetera, coupled with the (fairly recent) discovery that I'm monosexual and monogamous, makes me worry that I'm becoming one of those dam' assimilationist queers that I used to get so het up about. (Pun intended.) I don't think I am, exactly- just because some of my personal tastes and desires happen to line up with certain social norms doesn't mean I haven't questioned those norms, or that those tastes and desires are illegitimate- but it makes me a little uneasy.

But still. I look at people who are married, people who've been with another person for a long time, people who can celebrate that, people who work, and I think, I want that. Not now. Not even soon. But someday.

Weird.

Comments

[gair.livejournal.com]

It's a weird thing, I think I never connected 'marriage' with all the commitment love trust stuff (I know! Where was I raised? I mean, actually I was raised by married and crazy-in-love parents, so you'd think I would have made that connection, but it went missing somewhere), all of which is so much more awesome than I would have thought in militantly-single twenties... but for other people, like my friend J, the two go together really closely (she was non-monogamous and a bit of a player till her 50s when she suddenly settled down with my friend L, at which point she was like LET US GET MARRIED, WE ARE MONOGAMOUS NOW IT ALL COMES TO THE SAME THING and L was like OMG HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A FEMINIST AND WANT TO GET MARRIED???). Breakable definitions! Fun times.