welcome to downtown coolsville

I listened to Battle For The Sun today and, well, I don't think I've disliked a Placebo album this much since Sleeping With Ghosts. ( Blah blah blah, I got opinions! )

I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO BED SOON BUT AT THE MOMENT I AM BUSY FEELING LIKE A FREAKIN' THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD AGAIN.

IL ALL 182 BLINKS ♥♥♥

[Please note: this whole post is about how much this fandom means to me, and it gets very very soppy. Also, it's kind of long. If you can't stomach that at the moment, check out this list of the top 5 most horrifying bugs in the world. The soldier ants freak me out the most.]

I've been in bandom for a little over a year now. I don't know how it happened, really- a lot of it had to do with redheaded_itch, and twobit, and having lurked in an RPS fandom before, and already being (secretly) into the music anyway, and lots and lots of other things, but mostly I just kind of fell into it before I realized what was happening.

I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that was making me pretty miserable. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I had no idea how to address. I had some stuff going on in my life at the time that I needed to escape from. Music does that for me. Always has. So has writing. So I looked at bandom, shrugged my shoulders, and thought why not?

Because of where I lived (and live) and the amount of money I had, I couldn't go to shows or festivals or fan meet-ups. I couldn't really do anything but read and write and listen to music, and that was enough. It was something that was mine, something that none of the stupid shit happening outside could ruin or take away. Maybe it sounds dumb to say that bandom got me through the year, because lol overinvestment. But it's still true, at least a little. Bandom was my escape. It was a way to leave the ugly things behind and just be happy or silly or thoughtful or even angry about something totally outside myself, and I needed that more than anything.

There's so much I love about these bands. ( Here is a list of them! )

Bandom's at least partially responsible for a lot of changes I've made in the past year. If it wasn't for bandom I probably never would have picked up a bass. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten the nerve to get tattooed or pierced. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have started writing songs again. If it wasn't for bandom I would never have gotten over myself and realized it was okay for me to look however I wanted to look, listen to whatever I wanted to listen to. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have made the decision to leave Grenfell, because I wouldn't have been able to look at my real life versus my online life and realize that one made me miserable in comparison to the other. If it wasn't for bandom I wouldn't have been able to get outside myself at all, and that means I never would have been able to get better.

I'm not saying everything's okay now, because it's not. I still need to work on just about everything. But I actually can work on things now, instead of sitting around and wishing things would get better, and it's because of the music.

Music changed my life. Music saved my life. That's important.

On the last day of 2008 I went for a drive with my sister and my father. She had a camera, I had a pen, and he had the wheel of the car.

It was a snowy day. We slipped when we walked.

There's a place called Cape Spear where you can stand on the rocks and look out across the ocean and see England if you squint. There was a high wind and spiders sleeping under the lighthouse, dreaming of summer. The fog was too thick to see the gulls, but we could hear a helicopter miles out to sea. It was a lonely happy sort of place, the kind of place that makes you want to jump off the rocks and turn into a bird.

When we got back into the car we smelt like salt and pollen and lights at night.

I tried to capture the feel of it when I was choosing songs to drive to. I don't know how well I did, though.

U2- Running To Stand Still
Joel Plaskett- Love This Town
The Arcade Fire- Keep The Car Running
Basia Bulat- I Was A Daughter
De Capulet- The Paradigm
The Decemberists- Engine Driver
Wintersleep- Jaws Of Life
Stars- Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
The Killers- Read My Mind
Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Cheated Hearts
Death Cab For Cutie- The Sound Of Settling
Tracy Chapman- Fast Cars
The Used- On My Own
Leonard Cohen- Suzanne
The Sundays- Wild Horses
Wolf Parade- Shine A Light

Later that night Older Sister and I wandered into a sketchy bar with a man playing folk songs and "Drunk Girl" on the jukebox, where they gave us free champagne as the year changed.

Goodbye, 2008. I'm not gonna fucking miss you.

Some things that make me happy right now:

This brilliant insight in John Mayer's songwriting process. I've kind of hated John Mayer ever since that fucking "Daughters" song, but it turns out he's kind of funny! And self-deprecating! "If I can't get the girl why don't I just tell her I'm John Mayer?"

This All-American Rejects sea shanty cover of "Womanizer."

Sir Terrence of Pratchett. :}

The Making Of "America's Suitehearts." Cassadee continues to charm the bejeesus out of me.

iamsupernova's Suicide Girls picspam. (Not safe for work for reasons of boobies.)

The fact that baby platypi are called "puggles."

Also, I'm about forty pages into House of Leaves and I already want to write something just like it.

(Random question: Does anyone have any pictures of crows, especially sketches/cartoons/paintings/etc? My Google-fu is sadly lacking tonight.)

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1. Placebo, Black Market Music. This isn't their best album by far- in fact, I think it's the one that got the worst critical reception. But it was the first rock album I ever really got into, the first one I played over and over again. This CD got me into music. It got me hardcore into Placebo, and from there I got into other bands that toured with them or that they mentioned in interviews. I bought Velvet Goldmine because of this album. I came out because of this album. It's had more of an impact on me than any other album I've ever bought, and that's why it's my number one. It's more important to me than any other album in the world.

Also, "Passive Aggressive" is on it and that's my favourite Placebo song ever. I even did an art project based on it once. (It was shitty.)

Favourite tracks: "Taste In Men," "Spite And Malice," "Passive Aggressive," "Black-Eyed," "Peeping Tom."


2. My Chemical Romance, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. I listened to "I'm Not Okay" over and over again in the summer of 2004, but I wasn't sure I wanted to buy the album- they looked weird and they had silly hair and they wrote songs about vampires and that wasn't very cool at all. One day after my sixteenth birthday I walked into a record store and saw it displayed at a listening station; I shrugged, figured why not? and put on the headphones.

I heard the first five seconds of "Helena," took off the headphones, and bought it.

The first time I listened to Three Cheers all the way through was in a snowstorm. The power had gone out; I'd lit candles in my room that dripped wax and shuddered whenever I moved. I watched shadows move and listened to the music in my ears and had one of those perfect fucking beautiful moments you get when the right song is hand in hand with the right moment.

Favourite tracks: "Helena," "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison," "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)," "Thank You For The Venom," "Cemetery Drive."


3. Bright Eyes, Fevers and Mirrors. This album shouldn't be my favourite. It's not very sonically diverse and Conor Oberst's voice hasn't matured much and a lot of the lyrics are kind of whiny and annoying. Objectively, Lifted... is a better album, or I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning, or "Cassadaga". But Fevers and Mirrors totally fucking blew my mind the first time I listened to it- I was fifteen, I think- because for the first time I felt like someone had crawled into my head and written songs about what they found.

Favourite tracks: "The Calendar Hung Itself," "Arienette," "Something Vague," "Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh," "The Centre Of The World," "Sunrise, Sunset," "An Attempt To Tip The Scales," "A Song To Pass The Time."


4. The Libertines, Up The Bracket. I always forget how much I love this album until I put it on. It's the most gorgeous, noisy mixture of punk rock and nostalgia I've ever heard. Even though it breaks my heart a little now, because of Pete and Carl and their epic breakup and all, it makes me happy and joyous and optimistic at the exact same time.

Favourite tracks: "Vertigo," "Horrorshow," "The Boys In The Band," "Up The Bracket," "The Good Old Days," "I Get Along."


5. Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes. "Crucified" was the first Tori Amos song I ever heard, but it took me about a year to actually buy this album and listen to it in its entirety. It's a weird album, though not in an artsy, pretentious way. The music is very accessible, very pop, but her lyrics are offbeat and off-putting and completely brilliant.

Favourite tracks: "Crucified," "Silent All These Years," "Precious Things," "China," "Tear In Your Hand," "Little Earthquakes."


6. The Decemberists, Picaresque. The Decemberists could easily be a joke band- they have an accordion player and sing songs about being eaten by whales and Colin Meloy has the twee-est wardrobe I've ever seen. But they combine sincerity and mischief in a really appealing way, and they disarm you every time you think you've got them pegged. It took me a long time to figure out that I really liked this album, but when I did I couldn't stop listening to it.

(Fun fact: Colin Meloy has a B.A. in English. That gives me hope.)

Favourite tracks: "We Both Go Down Together," "Eli, The Barrow Boy," "The Sporting Life," "The Engine Driver," "On The Bus Mall," "Of Angels And Angles."


7. Jimmy Eat World, Clarity. I've always been a pretty casual Jimmy Eat World fan- I listen to them, but I don't like much of their new stuff and I don't get super into their records.

Except for this one.

I bought this album on a whim one day in Quebec. I'd heard a couple of the band's singles and liked them okay- "Sweetness" was my favourite- but I wasn't prepared for how much I would get sucked into Clarity. It draws you in slow from the very first track and makes you feel dreamy and peaceful and happy-sad, like watching the sun go down. I listen to it whenever I need to feel more like myself.

Favourite tracks: "Table For Glasses," "Lucky Denver Mint," "Do You Believe In What You Want?", "On A Sunday," "Crush," "For Me This Is Heaven."


8. The Dresden Dolls, The Dresden Dolls. This album has a rougher, more slapdash feel to it than Yes, Virginia... and I think that works to its advantage- the songs sound dirty, and there's noise in the background, and Amanda Palmer plays a toy piano which is actually really creepy and amazing and not lame at all. What got me first about the Dolls was Amanda's way with words- she takes things that are innocuous and innocent, like skipping rhymes and fairy tales, and makes you see their darker side. This album is funny and sad and beautiful, and I love it to tiny tiny bits.

My mom really likes it too. I'm not sure if she realizes the songs are about pedophilia, self-harm, and breaking up with the USA.

Favourite tracks: "Good Day," "Girl Anachronism," "Half Jack," "Coin-Operated Boy," "Gravity," "Jeep Song," "Truce."


9. The Arcade Fire, Funeral. Did hipsters spooge in their pants over this album? Hell yes. And they were right.

Favourite tracks: "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)," "Une Annee Sans Lumiere," "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)," "Neighborhood #4 (Kettles)," "Wake Up," "Haiti," "Rebellion (Lies)."


10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fever To Tell/Show Your Bones. I really couldn't just pick one. I couldn't. Because I've been listening to this band for five years and they've never stopped blowing my mind. These albums are ones I keep coming back to when I'm lonely or scared or sad or angry or just need some fucking good music to keep me going.

Favourite tracks: "Pin," "Maps," "Y Control," "Modern Romance," "Gold Lion," "Way Out," "Cheated Hearts," "Dudley," "Turn Into."


Honourable mentions: Ryan Adams, Rock N Roll; Stars, Set Yourself On Fire; Tegan and Sara, If It Was You; The White Stripes, White Blood Cells; The Kills, Keep To Your Mean Side; The Used, The Used; Panic At The Disco, Pretty.Odd.

( I got a new hat! )

Today we had a Family Adventure downtown, in which Mum dragged us into every gift shop in the greater St. John's area and I learned how to use chopsticks. Kind of. We also saw an extraordinary number of tiiiiiiiiny emo kids (something like thirty or forty) just kind of... hanging around. In the same spot. Doing nothing but refusing to make eye contact and scuffing their shoes. They were the PRECIOUSEST and I wanted to smish all their faces. Except they maybe would not have appreciated that.

And my brother got a thumb piano. He's been playing that five-note song from Close Encounters of the Third Kind all afternoon. DOO DOO DOO... DOO... DOOOOOOO.

I heard "Check Yes, Juliet" on the radio for the first time this morning.

I've been planning out this year's NaNoWriMo over the past couple of days. It involves, as I've informed uncommon_crow, inter-dimensional travel, a gender-nonspecific seer from Pluto, heroes, a book with everything in it, cats, crows, adoption, adventure, thieves, a ten-thousand-year-old trapped in a six-year-old's body, a monster chained up in the stars, and the head of Orpheus, and I'm really looking forward to it. (Especially the parts that involve rhyming couplets.) Another thing I'm looking forward to: the Pagan Society meeting on Wednesday! We're going to make personal Tarot cards. Woo.

Found in last week's Moral Philosophy notes: Knowing what it means to being human is bound up in knowing the difference between good and evil.

ETA: Jesse, have you seen this?

Never has :D: been so appropriate an emoticon.

The mall at the bottom of the Grenfell Hill is pretty much deserted. There's an Eclipse in there (where even their extra larges don't fit anyone), a Tim Hortons, and a Bible Truth supply store. Sometimes I go into the Bible store, and as a result of this have read the first few chapters of Preventing Homosexuality in Children. For kicks, you understand. (Apparently I lacked male role models. Or female role models. They were a little vague on that point.)

A few weeks ago a new store opened called Mother May I. It's one of those cutesy kid's boutiques that mothers love and kids will not touch with a ten-foot pole, and ( has this sign out front. )

I damn near blew a gasket when I saw that.* What the fuck, Corner Brook? What the fuck?

My mother called me today and left a message informing me that I was "the worst puppy [she'd] ever had." I'm... not entirely sure what to make of this, but I think it's awesome.

Three songs I am currently grooving to:

Mindless Self Indulgence- Bitches
The Academy Is...- Mayonnaise
Manic Street Preachers- Love's Sweet Exile

* Please note: I have no actual idea as to what a gasket might be. I'm thinking some kind of carrying-case for pastries?

A brief (considering) list of things that make me happy:

- Strawberry oil.
- My newly-discovered love for Cobra Starship.*
- The Importance of Being Earnest.**
- Striped shirts.
- The Juno version of "Anyone Else But You."
- Secretly listening to the Spice Girls.
- Talking about Victorian feminism with Dr. Grant (with bonus digressions about how much he loved 101 Dalmatians).
- My genderqueer skellington hoodie, as sort of seen here.***
- Three-in-the-morning conversations in our living room.
- Hot apple cider (with extra sugar and cinnamon).
- Frank Iero.

* I have decided that every time I am on a plane in the future, I am going to play "Snakes On A Plane" upon take-off. I have already done this once; it was fantabulous.

** In the quite unlikely event that I ever act again,**** it would be to play Algernon.

*** Okay, so it's mostly a picture of one of my cats, but he's a fuckin' adorable cat.

**** I was in The Wizard of Oz in grade four. After that I retired from the stage, aside from my dual role in twelfth grade's Who's Hamlet Again? My illustrious acting career, ladies, gents, and others.

I saw you this morning
I thought that you might like to know
I received your message in full a few days ago
I understood every word that it said
And now that I've actually heard it
You're going to regret

And I'm not the kind that likes to tell you
Just what you want me to
You're not the kind that needs to tell me
About the birds and the bees

- New Order, "Age Of Consent"

Today's a good day for running around in the grass, and sunshine, and happy exhaustion.

And that's all.

You know, since I am absent-minded, clumsy, and prone to carrying on vague, one-sided conversations, I sometimes wonder what it must be like to hear me puttering around upstairs in the kitchen.

"Aha! Grape juice!"

*crash*

"Well, I should have seen that one coming. Now, where did I put the-"

*beep*

"Shut up, won't you? ... What did I come in here for?"

*sound of water overflowing onto floor*

"Oh, yeah, that's it. I should get a turtle. Do cats eat turtles?"

*beep*

"Bury you under the cushions, THAT'S what I'll do. A Lit survey! That's the course I needed! Man, that is totally gonna clash with Philo- oh, the floor's wet."

*thump*

"Fell. On m'bum. And I've lost one of my slippers, how distress-"

*faint beep*

"HOW MANY CUSHIONS DO I NEED TO PUT ON YOU YOU DREADFUL... awful... ooh, Ritz crackers."

*faint beep*

*rhythmic thumps*

*muffled weeping*


In an entirely unrelated note, I've a question for any Manic Street Preachers fans on the flist:

Given that I listen to "Yes" on repeat for hours on end, and given that I tend to like bands with ridiculously devoted fan bases and tragically androgynous musicians, and given a third thing what I can't remember, should I buy The Holy Bible? And, if I do, how likely is it that I will start weeping every time I put it on, writing vaguely socialist rhyming couplets on bathroom stalls, and throwing myself off of any available cliffs?